Same mother different dads (long)

E

exercise forever

Cathlete
I debated on discussing this, but I figure I can spill myself to you ladies. I am the child from my mom's first marriage and I have 5 brothers and one sister from her second marriage. I grew up with them and it has been like we are real brothers and sisters. I never had much to do with my real dad so this is the only family I know. But it seems the older I get the more things seem different. There are a few of my brothers that I am really close to but there is one brother who always has a wise crack to say. Hey totally embarrassed me while he was saying a blessing before lunch today. He told everyone that he was the oldest one to graduate out of the kids other than me but I was by another man. That totally floored me! I felt my face get hot and I was furious. One of my brothers whispered not to worry about it, so I calmed down. He tries to be a comedian, but he crossed the line then.

Dh said I should have set him straight and told him to _ _ _ _ off. I really don't know if I should let it go or if the next time I see him just ignore him or let him know how I feel.

I totally feel like I am the blacksheep of the family. My mom definitely treats my younger sister better than she did me. So I feel that since I didn't come from my stepdad that I am not looked at the same.

Don't get me wrong, I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I am very hurt by how my brother could come out with something like that.

Please if you could give me some advice on how maybe I should handle this, it would be greatly appreciated.

kim
 
Kim -

Not sure I have wonderful advice for you, but I wanted to step in and give you a big old {{{{HUG}}}. Families are such odd dynamics that no matter what happens, someone always feels left out at one time or another. It's not intentional, it just happens.

You did say that your mom treats your younger sister differently than she did you. Well, I'm the oldest as well (my sister and I have the same parents), and oh yeah, little sis got different treatment, for several reasons - first and foremost, my parents were more financially secure when lil sis was growing up than when I was. So, they were able to get her more things. I cannot deny that. Second, I think more is expected of the oldest child in any family. It's just the way it is. The younger kids do definitely have certain advantages. It's not because of any other reason other than they are younger and mom and dad has "been there and done that". They know more what to expect. Third - my sis and I are totally different personalities. I'm much more independent, she's not. So her needs were different than mine.

As for your brother... He probably just wanted to feel more important. You're the oldest and he has lived in your shadow. It's pure sibling rivarly. I'd talk to him privately and let him know how much his remark hurt you. Chances are he has no clue that you would be offended at all. People say stupid things without thinking. They mean them differently than we read them. Just talk to him.
 
Kim

Christine's said pretty much what I was going to as I am the oldest and my sister and I are the only children.

But here's a {{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}.
 
kim, i don't know what to tell you but i am the oldest and my sisters are younger and by a different man. i also have sisters and two brothers on my dads side. i have ONE biological sibling, my brother, the rest are half brothers. but IMO that wasn't very nice to say AT ALL. b/c you both share blood with an obviously wonderful woman that raised you. and so what if your dad is your "blood" father, he was more of a man and a dad to take on the responsibility of raising a child that wasn't his. and its not really fair that your mom treats everyone differently but that will always come back and bite her in the bum. my mom treated my one sister(the girls are twins) and my brother(HER only son) so differently,spoiling them and what not, that now they are the most selfish, egotistical, smart mouthed ppl that have not a CLUE about how the real world works. but i always stood by mom even though it hurt me a little. and lets remember when i moved back to VA she followed about a year after. so she NOW knows who the "good" kids are(dad-really step-dad, now calls me the good daughter)

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
 
Thanks everyone for all of your advice and sharing your situations. But there is an update on this that even makes it a bit worse. It just seems to piss me off,concerning this family.

I was talking on the phone last night to my mom about the what my brother said in his blessing yesterday and all she could talk about is how he cut down my two oldest brothers. Because he was telling everyone that he was the oldest that graduate out of them (my two oldest didn't graduate) and then he went for the kill on me. Well all my mom was saying was how she felt sorry for how he cut my two brothers down. No I don't want all the pity, but once again it shows that they will always be favored. Thinking I would get some kind of caring from my mom I just felt worse. And yes Kassie, My dh has told me numerous of times to stand up to my mom, but I always take it.

One thing is true, and my dh said that he and my children are my family because I would always get the short end of the stick with my other family.

Okay folks, I'm not wallowing in my pitty just venting here big time. I would like some advice on when I'm around him again, how should I handle it again? Should I act like nothing was said?

Thanks so much for listening,

kim
 
Wish i could help.
I have a sister that has a diiferent mom. Her mom died and dad remarried.
She has told people i am her step sister.
Pisses me off. I have never considered her anything but my sister , not even 1/2 sister. My neice even called me her step aunt once that i know of.

Ignore him. I know it hurts. Aparantly something bothers him.
Maybe you are better looking...
Laugh at him...Don't let him bother you and he will quit.
HE KNOWS he is bothering you..

Show him you are better and more mature than him.
Anne

http://www.picturetrail.com/acatalina
 
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