O.T.: Seeking Divorce Advice--Financial Questions...

[40something]

Okay, one of my friends is going through a divorce right now. I am just sick about it and worrying about her financial future once all the legal is said and done.

Here are the particular's: She has a high paying job with many $$$ in her 401k and company stock. Her H cashed his 401k in six months ago and the money is gone. He has spent the past year running them into debt.

I understand that in most divorce situation's everything is 'community property' and hence divided 50:50. But...will a judge take into consideration his recent activities before making her give him half of her financial holdings? Will any of his behavior help her to keep the house and not have to pay him half?

And what about the fact that even though they are separated, he is still spending on credit cards which would make her responsible for half the debt because they are still married?

 

[red_mct]

I would say your friend needs to get herself to a lawyer, pronto. There is no reason that they should continue to have shared accounts - I would cancel those cards immediately. Filing for a legal separation also is a good way to distance oneself from the spouse financially. In most states, I am fairly certain everything else falls into the community property pot, unless they had a pre-nup. Again, she needs a GOOD lawyer who can advise her appropriately.

Divorce can be very ugly.

Good luck,
Marie

 

[robyn6002]

My brother has the same thing with his wife. I agree have her get an attny QUICKLY.

Fortunately I've been divorced 16 years and my ex and I have never had any financial issues. I know count my blessings.

I do want to note here that attorneys CAN cause problems. For instance my ex FIL passed away while we were married. He was very successful physicians. My attorney wanted me to go after what was left "for my kids". I refused as I did not know his Dad well. This was the single BEST thing I ever did. So listen to your gutt as well.

If your friend has kids have her ALWAYS put the kids first. It makes a HUGE difference. My ex and I are the poster children for a good divorce. 16 years plus and 1 kid in college!

 

[Ann Marie]

Cancel credit cards, ASAP! anyone with his name on that he has access to. I learned the hard way!x( x(
Get a lawyer asap, but hopefully, one can be recommended, and remember, in time, all will work out! BTW it took me 7 years, with no kids, or money, but I was finally free from that a#$&ole

Ann Marie

 

[40something]

Thanks for everyone's advice. This is such a mess and she's left paying for it all right now.

 

[dreamyjeanie]

I had a friend who had to prove the balances of accounts (banking, credit cards, 401K) for like a year before the split. The Judge took all that into consideration.The problem with that is if the money is already spent she can't get it back, but it could help when dividing up the debt.

 

[40something]

dreamyjeanie...that's what I am hoping will happen. Needless to say, she was not aware that he had cashed out his 401k. And if she can use that amount against having to pay him for half of the house. It would be nice if he and his gf would just ride off into the sunset on his cycle and only be heard from once a month in the form of a child support check.

 

[red_mct]

Well, if he did cash out his 401K without his knowledge, that may be considered by the judge. Again, though, none of this is helping her. I do hope she gets a lawyer and takes the necessary steps.

I think sometimes women feel so guilty during divorces (even if they aren't the initiating party) that they are willing to take on far more of the burden. I know this is what happened to me.

Again, good luck.
Marie