November 09 Checkin Wednesday 4th*************

[jojobean]

Hottie, (()), so sorry about the fighting. I think these things go in cycles. At least they do for DH and I. Having kids does bring up a whole other set of issues, but it also does bring you closer and gives you a common bond. That sounds sappy, and not sure I'm saying it right, but unless you are feeling there are really serious issues don't let it stop you from kids. DH and I definitely have our issues and we've had some HUGE fights these past couple years. I mean huge as in thinking of separating. Right now things are OK, but I really think we could use some help in sorting things out. But, there's no time for us to go to counseling and DH has said he won't go anyway. I've thought about it for myself, but haven't taken that step. Chris is right, with kids, sometimes there's not even time to fight. That's either good cause you realize it really wasn't that important or bad cause things fester and resentment builds up. I have a bad mom/parent confession - a few weeks ago DH and I were having a really heated discussion. Not yelling, cause it was late and the kids were in bed, but really arguing and saying some not so nice things. This was going on for a good half hour. I was in tears. All of a sudden Jameson comes up the stairs crying his eyes out and telling us to stop. He says why can't you just talk it out instead of yelling and being mean. I tell you, it was a low point in my life that he heard all that and was so upset. And, that he was more mature about it than us. I felt so incredibly horrible that he heard all that. I tried to talk to him the next day and he wouldn't say much. I tried to say all the right things, like we both love you and it has nothing to do with you....anyway...Now that I've spilled my heart out - I'd better go before I erase all of this!

On a lighter note, MIL saw Ian in his costume and commented on how his nose actually looked like MJ's. About 3 or 4 surgeries ago, at least. Ian says "at least I didn't have to pay for it."

Chris, Jameson was supposed to be a bald man in a suit, but DH got all this makeup and he was some sort of skeletor guy. Jameson hated it and couldn't wait to wash it off as you can probably tell from this picture...

 

[bitmover]

Joanne, thanks for pouring your heart out -- the other night was sort of like that for us. I'm sure the kids heard it, though I'm not sure it was a completely horrible thing for them to hear -- neither one mentioned it, but they were right on the other side of the wall. Anyway, that's kind of what I was trying to get at -- there's just no time to fight and so you realize what you were going to fight about just isn't as important as you thought it was (sometimes). I think the resentment builds up when it really is that important and there's still no time.....

So funny, the comment about the nose looking like MJ's, before the surgeries.... I must be tired, because I was wondering why your son had to have surgery! DOH! I like the skeleton costume, too!

 

[hottiescientist]

Thanks Joanne for sharing -- it really does make me feel better. I try to logically tell myself that every couple gets this close to the brink and it has the possibility of making us stronger but knowing no one like that me just projecting some hypothetical has my brain going, "really? like who?" You guys are all like supermoms to me so to hear you guys not be perfect every once in a while makes me feel like "its ok" and that maybe one day I could cut it too. So, thank you again, I really mean it.

On the counseling point -- I actually started therapy/counseling again a couple week ago. It IS hellish to do scheduling and get everything in (and I don't have kids!) but I think its a good decision. I had been rooting for Joe to see someone for over a year and he only started going a couple week ago too. It was weird...my mother sorta got on my case about not "helping" him start therapy (like find someone for him) and I had refused saying that it had to come right out of him and I couldn't push him into something like that and I had mentioned it to my therapist this week and she was literally relieved that I had the foresight to realize what a disaster that could be. I just feel really lucky that the only therapist I've ever liked 1) was in my network and 2) managed to carve an opening for me since I was her patient yearssss ago. I swear, the hardest thing to do is to find a therapist you can work with (I went through at least five who couldn't pronounce my name after a month).

That's super funny about the nose and surgery thing and your kid's comeback! I love it! (Was he the one that came up with giant nipple?)

And yes...end of fall seems to be Dec 20th so maybe we can get Shock Cardio for Xmas...Man, I was so hoping to try it out during the T-day break too!