baylian
Cathlete
My DH sent me this today. I am currently far away taking care of a very sick parent.
I needed a good laugh and boy did I get it from this . . .being Lutheran and especially being a retired flight attendant. Enjoy!
LUTHERAN AIRLINES
WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW
OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA! ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN,
NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the
no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on
Lutran Air. Here flyin is a upliftin experience.
Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15,
bring a salad; 16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a
dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will
not land til da budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill
acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air.
Okay den, listen up;
I'm only gonna say dis vonce:
In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am
frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson,
because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of
cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or
someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze
liddle masks on da rubber tubes--you're gonna have bigger
tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in
dair liddle holes. Probably da masks fell out because
of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna
have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like
driving across a plowed field, but after a while you
get used to it.
In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start
saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part
about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin
against us, which some people say 'trespass against
us,' which isn't right, but what can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden,
not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system,
which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell
phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant
you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da
side of your head.
We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit
da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing;
hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you.
Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real
upset and I am not kiddin!
Right now I'll say Grace: Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and
let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost,
May we land in Dulut or pretty close.
I needed a good laugh and boy did I get it from this . . .being Lutheran and especially being a retired flight attendant. Enjoy!
LUTHERAN AIRLINES
WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW
OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA! ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN,
NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the
no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on
Lutran Air. Here flyin is a upliftin experience.
Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15,
bring a salad; 16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a
dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will
not land til da budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill
acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air.
Okay den, listen up;
I'm only gonna say dis vonce:
In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am
frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson,
because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of
cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or
someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze
liddle masks on da rubber tubes--you're gonna have bigger
tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in
dair liddle holes. Probably da masks fell out because
of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna
have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like
driving across a plowed field, but after a while you
get used to it.
In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start
saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part
about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin
against us, which some people say 'trespass against
us,' which isn't right, but what can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden,
not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system,
which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell
phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant
you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da
side of your head.
We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit
da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing;
hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you.
Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real
upset and I am not kiddin!
Right now I'll say Grace: Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and
let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost,
May we land in Dulut or pretty close.
