Why don't people think before they speak?

[wendybdh]

I just don't get it. I had my 2nd mc in October and since then we've been TTC. And for some reason there's a girl I work with who is pregnant and for some reason all she wants to do around me is talk about how much she hates being pregnant. She says she was on the pill when she got pregnant so it was unwanted but she must just be really fertile and she'd trade me spots if she could. She also says she'll be disappointed if it's a boy. Her diet is horrible and she's already been hospitalized to get 7 liters of fluid because she doesn't take care of herself (and no, she didn't even have morning sickness). It's more that she like sthe attention.

The sad part is she's not due until July and that's a LOOOONG way away. I don't know if I'm just that irritable because I don't feel that she appreciates just how precious and fragile pregnancy is. At times, it's as if she's trying to make it sound like it's not that great so I won't feel so bad.

Just had to vent, Thanks.

 

[MSJ]

(((Hugs))) Wendy--I'm so sorry you are going through this--some people just carry the *utterly clueless* gene. What an insensitive woman. I can't believe she's talking like this to you.

Take care,
Maggie

 

[Fitmommyof2]

((hugs)) Some people have no idea. I don't want to defend her at all,but if she's never had a m/c then she really has no clue.

 

[briee]

Hi Wendy, I haven't checked in too much, but hope to more in the future. I read over your post and want to send hugs.

To me, it is very convicting, I have never had a miscarriage and I KNOW that I just can't feel the pain that you are going through, but it must be very hard. I am pregnant with our 7th and this was VERY much a surprise and I've been really convicted lately that I need to watch what I say because I'm SURE I must come across as an insensitive jerk when it comes to being with people that are TTC. Every baby is a gift from God and we are VERY thankful and will be for this one, but I'm thankful for people that post/share their perspective (as your post) because some of us need a slap in the face to think more about how our words are effecting others and not only about ourselves. Sounds like this girl has NO idea how much this is hurting you and I'm wondering if in a warped way, she thinks that you might feel better knowing that she is "miserably" pregnant ....who knows....crazy and sad. There are so many wonderfully supportive people on this site and I appreciate you sharing your story. Catheland is a wonderful place to vent and some of us gain wisdom and insight from posts such as this. My prayers are with you!

Briee

 

[wendybdh]

Briee - Thanks so much. I think I'm just at a point where it still just hurts so much that it's hard for me to hear anyone talk about pregnancy or babies. You made me think that when I was pregnant with my DD I didn't appreciate what I had until now when I see how fast joy can turn to sorrow. Thanks again for reminding me how I used to feel and not take people's comments as a personal attack when in fact that was me 3 1/2 years ago.

 

[ldy_solana]

so sorry for all you have to go through. myself personally wouldn't have thought for a second before dumping my emotional feelings on her. almost like a guilt trip but that is just me and i can be an emotional time bomb LOL. she sounds rather bitter, did the boyfriend not support this? i hope she changes her attitude not only to make life a little more brighter at work for you BUT for her and the baby's sake.

kassia

 

[Mom25]

I am so sorry! I have had 2 miscarriages, so I know the pain! However, you really convicted me! I am preggo with my 6th and it was a HUGE surprise. We are in career transition which makes finances tight and I have to say that I was not exactly thrilled when 2 lines popped up on the pregnancy test. Howerver, I agree with Briee that each and every child is a gift! Also, I have been so very hesitant to tell many people about this pregnancy because with my 5th child I got more "I am so sorry" because it was my 5th instead of congratulations!! It was very hard on me!! You know I heard a saying once, and I don't know where I heard it at but sometimes I think our world needs to hear it on a daily basis:


"We sign up for a curse, but reject the blessings." This is so true.. we sign up for debt, and other things but reject what truly matters, which is life. Everything will pass away... but not our precious blessings.

I hope everything works out for you

 

[melanalyus]

Wendy, I know how you're feeling.

I was like your "friend"... did not know how lucky I was to be pg and deliver perfect babies,..until I no longer could. I took pg & motherhood as a "right" and not a "privildege". After my m/c I look at other pg women and immediately think, "Do they know how lucky they are?".

I"m a different person now, and I hope a more compassionate one.

Right now I'm getting thru bitterness, resentment & jealousy....three emotions I've never dealt with. They are ugly. I feel stronger everyday, and you will too! Someday I hope I'll be able to look at someone like your "friend" and say with a pat on her hand, "Beloved, you don't know how blessed you are to be housing your wee-one. There are many women who will never have your opportunity."

With my last pg...it came as a suprise. My DH was sickly, and in/out of hospitals....at one point we weren't sure if he going to make it. We had a great deal of stress. I wasn't able to bond with Jadon while pregnant,...it wasn't until he was about a week old that we finally bonded. Well,... he's my favorite now,...we have a deep, deep bond. So,..you never know,......she may blossom into a great mom!!