3rd m/c...we're done

[bmccartney]

I was so hoping this pregnancy would work out. So January, March, and May have been miscarriages this year (and we were on a break from trying in March/April). My poor body has been through so much this year with either trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, then miscarrying. DH and I agreed that we're done trying until we can hopefully find out what's going on.

My biggest concern is where to go or how to start getting help. My OB doesn't do any testing and I'll likely be referred to a RE again, which is completely not covered by our insurance. I'm so done with trying to self-diagnose and take different herbs and supplements. All the blood tests were fine when the RE checked last September, so I'm not sure whether this could just be bad luck or not.

Thanks for "listening"...I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here.

[Sweetpea1]

Oh Bethany I am so sorry! It is probably a good idea to give your body (mind and soul) a break too. I think of you often and wonder how its going. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to come back and post in here. If there is anything we can do to help (answer questions, not ask questions, etc) please let us know. ((HUGS!!))

[bmccartney]

Thanks Jen. I guess I just wanted to say "goodbye" that I really appreciate all of the support from you guys over the years. I'm almost relieved in a way that I don't have to worry about if I'll stay pregnant or getting pregnant any time soon. I have so much to be thankful for with DH, our DD, family, friends, co-workers...I'm just going to try living my life again.

[jodijodi]

Bethany, so sorry to hear this. (((hugs))) warm thoughts and wishes coming your way.

[welch]

Hi Bethany,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. I don't know you're whole story and I'm not sure exactly what you've been through, but I thought I'd share a bit of my story with you. I don't know if I can say anything that would help or not.

My DH and I started trying to conceive 3 1/2 years ago. It took 1 1/2 years to get pregnant. I was at the point where I was charting my cycles and checking my LH surges every month. I don't even know how I got pregnant when I did because I hadn't detected a surge around the time we found a positive pregnancy test. Everything seemed okay at my first OB appointment at 6 weeks, but I miscarried at 8 weeks and no one knows why. The doctors told us not to try to conceive for at least 3 months to let my body heal. Then they said to try for a year, and if no luck, then we may look in to some testing. After 15 months of still not conceiving, my gynecologist started a basic work-up. Some of it was covered by insurance, but not all of it. It consisted of blood work to re-check my blood type, rubella titer, progesterone & FSH levels, thyroid level, and a few other things that I can't recall. She also ordered a pelvic ultrasound. The ultrasound showed one small abnormality, so she wanted to do an additional test - a saline-infused pelvic ultrasound to better see the uterus. We also talked about having my husband tested - which he was willing to do, but really not looking forward to. Then depending on the results, my doctor wanted us to look in to Clomid or another medication who's name I don't remember.

We ended up never doing the second ultrasound or having my husband tested. We also never used any medications. I found out I was pregnant before the tests were scheduled. That was about 7 months ago. Thankfully, I'm still pregnant and due in 10 more weeks. I still panic anytime something seems wrong because I'm terrified of another miscarriage. We had a little scare early on, so I was put on progesterone for the first trimester. That may have helped this time - I'm not sure.

I'm still praying every day that this pregnancy goes well. I hope our baby turns out to be healthy and strong. I'm full of worry, but I'm finding ways to live with it.

I guess what I'm saying is that I know what it's like to try for months or years and have nothing happen. I don't know what it's like to have 3 m/c's, but I know that even having 1 is horrible.

I had a lot of people tell me that it'll happen when we stop trying so hard. I always kinda thought that was weird - it was hard not to "try". But we did stop trying when we decided to start going through the tests. And wouldn't you know it? That's when we got pregnant.

Maybe the rest and taking pressure off of yourselves is a good thing. It sound like you've been through so much over the last few months. I don't know where to tell you to go from here - does your doctor have any other recommendations or referrals? I was lucky that mine were so supportive and helpful. I just wish insurance companies were more supportive too.

I guess I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything you're doing through and I hope things get better soon. I tend to think that since it happened for me, it can happen for others too. I'll be thinking about you and I hope that everything works out in the end.

Sincerely,
Carrie

[melanalyus]

Bethany, I"m so sorry you've had another m/c (hugs). That makes my heart so sad.

I am no stranger to the turmoils of TTC, but I was fortunate not to have had repeat m/c's. It seems like an appropriate time to take a break/breather and find out what your next step may/may not be.

One thing you have on your side is your age (although I vaguely remember you stating that early menipause runs in your family?).

Hang in there Sweetie....and please keep in touch!

[bmccartney]

Carrie,
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. It really does help to hear stories that have happy endings. I'm sorry for your loss and that it took your blissful innocence for your current pregnancy (at least that's how I thought of each pregnancy), but I'm sure everything will turn out great and your baby will know how loved and wanted he/she is.

I've heard a lot of people saying to relax and it'll happen when it's supposed to also...but I was never truly able to "give up" when I still thought I had a chance. At this point I'm pretty sure something is not right with me. Therefore, "giving up" for me right now actually means PREVENTING pregnancy since I can deal with not having another baby but I CAN'T deal with another miscarriage any time soon. I don't know if that makes sense, but it boils down to being thankful for what I have now and not waiting on the things that I don't have.

[bmccartney]

Thanks Melanie, I think you of all often and I'll be keeping tabs on everyone even if I won't be a mommy again any time soon.

[welch]

Bethany,

I do understand about not being able to deal with another miscarriage. I have a hard time even imagining how I would be if that happened again. I can see your point about preventing pregnancy for now - and maybe that will give your body time to heal. I truly hope only good things are in your future.

Take care,
Carrie

[melmeadows]

Bethany,

I am so sorry for yet another M/C. I wish I had some good advice on where to go from here. I can only suggest you get a referral to a fertility specialist vs RE. I will pray that God will give you peace and comfort. I am sure you are exhausted mentally and physically.

Melanie