Way OT/Calling all ADD's, bipolars, schizoaffectives,et...

[Mariela]

I don't know if you remember but I have schizoaffective disorder and ADD. I have a question to ask and I have tried to find forums for us with those kind of disorders, but haven't found any. I found one for ADD but it doesn't work like this one. You have to post the message to a specific member(s) of the forum. I decided to post the question here, since I can't wait anymore.

Anyway, the question is... Am I the only person who doesn't seem to have the necessary abilities to drive a car? I actually learnt how to drive but it took me a lot of time and money, didn't get the drivers license and still do the same errors. I attribute my problem to ADD, but I know many people that have ADD and are safe drivers. (I am not safe.)

I hate when people tell me that it is a matter of confidence in myself. This is not the case. Driving is not the only aspect of my life that is affected by my limitations. These are: not being able to think quickly or react to things that are happening in my sorroundings. I have to make a big effort to feel connected to the environment, the car and what I am doing.

When people ask me why I don't drive I try to explain that everybody takes for granted that everybody can drive, but some people have limitations or disabilities. They don't believe me. I look so normal, that they think I am making excuses for covering up my fears or my procrastination. I feel embarrased of being 26 and not having a drivers license. It is, of course, also very limitating as I have to depend on my husband to take me to the places.

Sorry for the long post. I just want to know if there is someone else who experience this, as I don't know anybody else who does.

Thanks in advance.
Mariela

 

[kellib]

Mariela -
I do not have your situation but I wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. I understand how difficult it must be for you to deal with this. imho, it's nobody's business but your own for why you don't drive. I know, easy to say but it's a whole other story when you are being grilled for why you don't drive. Best of luck to you. Lots of hugs too. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!

-kelli

btw - no, you are by no means the only person who doesn't drive for whatever reasons! I have another friend who doesn't drive either due to health reasons. And another one who didn't get her license until she was 30-something - just because!

 

[Aquajock]

I'm a non-driver, and although I know it would be a good idea for me to re-train and get my driving skills AND my license back, I admit I've afraid of driving. AND whack-job drivers, who seem to occupy more and more transportation real estate. I do not have any of the conditions with which you have titled your thread, Mariela, so I'll just quote Dear Abby: "Driving is not for everyone."

I think people take the act and privelege of driving far too much for granted. Yes it is limiting to a certain extent to be a non-driver, but it is not fatal to one's lifestyle, especially if there is good mass transit in your area.

I've stopped making excuses for myself - I just shrug and say with a vacant smile, "I never said I wasn't strange."

A-Jock

 

[MSJ]

RE: Way OT/Calling all ADD's, bipolars, schizoaffective...

Mariela-

I just wanted to say that I wish more people would recognize their limitations like you do and would make reponsible decisions like you have. Way to go! (and don't be embarrassed about not driving)

take care and I hope you find others who understand your limitations
Maggie

 

[Mariela]

To all of you who replied. I feel so grateful and understood, that the only thing I can say is I wish to give a hug to each of you.

 

[Jcrew3082]

Hi Mariela,

I have clinical depression and anxiety- totally genetic. Congratulations to you for being able to discuss this openly. It takes some of us a long time to do that!

You are certainly not the only person who doesn't have the ability to drive. For you, it is not a matter of confidence. I understand what you mean about not connecting to your environment. On my worst depression days, I didn't and knew that I shouldn't drive. Your ADD symptoms are completely legitimate, and just because they do not restrict you in some areas does not mean they do not have the ability to restrict you in others. Not everyone with the same disease experiences the same things and has the same limitations, which is why some people with ADD may have no problem driving.

I think your decision not to drive is incredibly intelligent. You know that driving may put you and others at risk, and it is smart to avoid that. If, at some time in your life, you are able to drive, great, but if not, I'm glad you aren't doing it to keep up appearances. Unfortunately, some people just don't understand the very real manifestations of mental diseases and can't imagine something mental interfering with driving. Driving is not only a physical action but a huge mental process. This is not something that if you try harder, you can simply will yourself to do.

So, no, you are not the only one. I am sure that there are many people who experience this and are too afraid to share it with others. Be well!

 

[wutherhi]

RE: Way OT/Calling all ADD's, bipolars, schizoaffective...

I'm bipolar, and while I do drive, I found it very difficult at first. It seemed there were just too many things going on at once, and I couldn't pay attention to all of them! I cracked up a few of my parents' cars in the driveway, mostly going in reverse (I forgot to look behind me before I backed up). Total sensory overload! I think it's very smart, and incredibly kind and thoughtful, of you to realize that driving may not be your thing. Still, it got better for me after a lot of practice, and I feel comfortable (and confident of the safety of myself and others') behind the wheel now.

So, here's an idea. This may not be possible for you, given your ADD and other challenges, but it's a thought. Is there somewhere you could go to practice driving where there isn't any (or not much) traffic. I know where I live (a rural area), it's not at all uncommon for people to practice driving in fields and pastures, then graduating to sparsely populated country roads. (Of course, if you live in a big city, this probably isn't a possibility.) I can still remember my dad, in a Volkswagen, chasing my brother, on his motorcycle, around the back yard.

Anyway, you might be able to build your confidence this way, by practicing, with someone else in the car with you, of course. And hey, if it doesn't work, at least you'll be able to convince the significant people in your life that driving really ISN'T a possibility (once you pry their white knuckles off the oh-my-gosh bar! }(

Best wishes,
Shari

 

[Alexis52]

My son and I are ADD people. He takes meds, I do not. We both drive well but the doctor told us that driving can be a huge problem for some ADD people. Glad you're self-observant enough to know.

Have you tried the forum at Amen Clinic? Sounds like you did but maybe they can recommend additional sites that are more friendly and helpful. Wishing you well, Alexis

 

[kimmie2191]

Hello,

I would not worry about trying to explain to people why you don't drive. Unless they have a medical condition similar to yours , people do not understand. No need to feel embarassed about this either. You know your limitations if at sometime you think you can handle driving then by all means go for it!

My son has been diagnosed with bipolar and while he is on medications it is no walk in the park. Little by little I am trying to get him to realize that when he is at "his limit" he needs to go to a "quiet place" in the house to regroup. We are also trying kickboxing and the rebounder.

I don't know first-hand about his disorder (in that I don't have it) but I do try to help him in any way I can. He will be 7 in a month and still has trouble dealing with the fact "he is different" from other people. He does not show any symtoms at school or daycare so most people do not believe me when I have to inform them of his condition. HE LOOKS COMPLETELY NORMAL to them. For that reason I am made to feel and have been called a "bad Momma who does not know how to raise children" Forget them. I cannot help my bipolar child, keep my youngest child safe and worry about what people think.

You can go to the nami.org website to see if there is a support group in your area or just to "talk with other people" who have to deal with your illness on a day to day basis. (IT IS A GREAT PLACE TO GET EMOTIONAL SUPPORT)

I hope everything works out for you

Kim