For those planning to get married
- Thread starter Sonia123
- Start date
pippa
Cathlete
Well...I'm already married but I'll tell you what happened with me.
My husband helped A LOT and I REALLY wish he HADN'T. The big decisions were fine to make as a couple, ie., where to have the reception, etc. but I really could have done without all the input on the invitations, gift registry, food choices. DH and I have very different opinions on some things and I ended up not having what I wanted because I gave into what he wanted. Now, that may not seem like a big deal but, in the end, he really didn't care that much and I did, so I really regret compromising. And, I gave into him on our china pattern and three years later he realized I was right all along and now we're stuck with this pattern that no one likes. UGH!
I know that when you get engaged you sort of WANT him to be involved(at least I did...I felt so special that my fiance wanted to make the decisons with me...I could puke thinking about that now
)but unless you really like all the same things I would want the person who sort of *cares* more about the small details be the primary decision maker. This can have a lot to do with personality too. Some people are just control freaks(my husband, for example) and they just HAVE to be involved in all decisions regardless of their interest. I know my DH now really wishes he would have just backed off and let me do it my way.
My husband helped A LOT and I REALLY wish he HADN'T. The big decisions were fine to make as a couple, ie., where to have the reception, etc. but I really could have done without all the input on the invitations, gift registry, food choices. DH and I have very different opinions on some things and I ended up not having what I wanted because I gave into what he wanted. Now, that may not seem like a big deal but, in the end, he really didn't care that much and I did, so I really regret compromising. And, I gave into him on our china pattern and three years later he realized I was right all along and now we're stuck with this pattern that no one likes. UGH!
I know that when you get engaged you sort of WANT him to be involved(at least I did...I felt so special that my fiance wanted to make the decisons with me...I could puke thinking about that now
)but unless you really like all the same things I would want the person who sort of *cares* more about the small details be the primary decision maker. This can have a lot to do with personality too. Some people are just control freaks(my husband, for example) and they just HAVE to be involved in all decisions regardless of their interest. I know my DH now really wishes he would have just backed off and let me do it my way.
marnold
Cathlete
Sonia,
I am already married but I thought I would contribute to your question anyway...
My DH (bless his soul) was not into the whole planning thing. Looking back, I think he was more than willing to contribute money for anything I wanted. IMO, I think this is a bride thing...HTH
I am already married but I thought I would contribute to your question anyway...
My DH (bless his soul) was not into the whole planning thing. Looking back, I think he was more than willing to contribute money for anything I wanted. IMO, I think this is a bride thing...HTH
CollinsMom
Cathlete
I am planning a wedding and my fiance is somewhat into the planning. We have very similar tastes and ideas of what we want our wedding to be like, so for the most part it works. I know that if there was something I really wanted, he would let me have it.
It just depends on the people/couple. I agree with the above poster that it is really most about the bride, but definitely talk about what is important to each of you!
It just depends on the people/couple. I agree with the above poster that it is really most about the bride, but definitely talk about what is important to each of you!
amyg
Cathlete
My DH and I were married 5 years ago 11/16. We did the majority of our planning together because we wanted to. There were a number of things that he graciously deferred to me on, like invitation styles and other things he really didn't care much about.
I really relied on him for the actual planning of the reception because he's a banquet manager and has pretty much been at a wedding reception every weekend for 15 years. He knew the timing of things much better than I ever could.
We had a lot of fun working together on it! I do think it helped because I only asked his help for things I needed his help on; I wasn't asking him to hold my hand on every decision. That said, when he did voice an opinion I tried to respect that. (Unless I really cared, LOL!)
We did the majority of our planning together because we wanted to. There were a number of things that he graciously deferred to me on, like invitation styles and other things he really didn't care much about.I really relied on him for the actual planning of the reception because he's a banquet manager and has pretty much been at a wedding reception every weekend for 15 years. He knew the timing of things much better than I ever could.
We had a lot of fun working together on it! I do think it helped because I only asked his help for things I needed his help on; I wasn't asking him to hold my hand on every decision. That said, when he did voice an opinion I tried to respect that. (Unless I really cared, LOL!)
run_to_step
Cathlete
My husband planned our entire destination wedding (Hawaii), which was very small and uncomplicated. He found ideas on the internet, ran them by me, and booked stuff. It was awesome! My wedding was really simple, but so cool and carefree. I didn't stress an ounce, thanks to him.
nancy324
Cathlete
I was married six years ago. I didn't make a single decision without my DH, except which dress to buy. We tasted food together, picked flowers and looked at photographer's portfolios. If I had to do all that work myself, I wouldn't have had a wedding at all. It's too much to do on your own!
My husband and I made almost all our decisions together. I probably did more research into different options than he did, but he had a great idea about how to display the cake (we got a stump with several branches coming out of it. My brother in law sanded, varnished it, decorated it with flowers, hooked up waterfalls going over it, and then each "branch" held a separate cake. It was beautiful, and the talk of the ceremony on the big day), and he wanted to do the invitations all on his own (they ended up being multi-media invitations on CD). We wrote our vows together, picked a location, readings and music for the ceremony, menu, clothes, everything except the dress (he was very traditional about not wanting to see the dress until we were walking down the isle)... He even went shoe-shopping with me, and picked and arranged my boquet himself. He's a gem. But he won't do cathe workouts.
My wedding is in may. We do have a wedding planner but he is there for all of the meetings to pick things out. He has a lot of input but I don't think he really cares that much. I think he just wants me to be happy. If I didn't tell him to go to the meetings I don't think he would go.
capricorngirl
Cathlete
We've been planning our wedding for 12 months now, with my MIL-to be, and after the first month, my Fiance lost interest (my MIL predicted this !) . He has said as long as I'm there, he gets to wear a kilt, we've bought our wedding bands, he's happy !
i am getting married in a few weeks. my fiancee is a great help, but i have done most of the details. however...we both realized this week that we forgot about the marriage license! have to get that done together. i think when it comes down to it, we care more about the details than they do. they just want to know where and what time to be there.
.......and of course, the wedding nite.
suri
.......and of course, the wedding nite.
suri