Listen to Your Body Check-in/Week 8-7-06

newswoman13

newswoman13

Cathlete
Hi all. Glad you're joining me! A little background: After years of dieting and not listening to my body, I'm practicing tuning in, and I'm definitely a work in progress. But, I've found being conscious and letting things be neither "good" nor "bad" helps me to move forward in a compassionate way.

Like I posted in "Open Discussion": I'd rather steer in the direction of compassion and mind/body truth as opposed to detailed calculating, so post about what your body is telling you...There's no right or wrong, it's a matter of recognizing and honoring!

Subjects might include:

Nutrition
Movement
Rest
Meditation
Tuning into your gut (see www.honoringyourbelly.com)
Play
Work energy

I look forward to checking in!! Let this quote lead you: "Your body is God's messenger." ~ Erica Jong

Best,
Caroline


;-)
 
Well, I am working overnights, so yes, I get a lot of computer time when things are slow (which is fun for research), but it's hard on my posture, breath and peaceful mindset. I'm currently trying to move on to greener pastures (and I'll leave it at that for now), but overnights takes a toll on my being conscious. I get ravenous even though I'm pretty much sitting, and then, yes, sometimes I overeat to soothe the tiredness.

So, today, I plan to go home and practice being conscious. Have breakfast before bed, but I want to nourish myself with a slow, conscious pace. I'll also make myself really comfortable before bed -- bathing, brushing, moisturizing, and laying out clothes to teach a class at 430p. I find that if I'm organized, I don't rush and jumble everything together (and feel like overeating to compensate for not paying enough self-care in that area, too!).

So, I'll let you know how this goes...I think checking-in will help me to pay myself that attention.

Cheers to a blessed day!
 
Listen to Your Body Check-in

Caroline:

Good morning! Thank you for starting this check-in. It is a blessing to have a travel companion on this journey.

I was put on my first diet when I was 9 years old. I tried to be a professional dieter, but I got fired! I have a big rebellious streak. My heart longs to live in freedom apart from legalistic rules, boundaries, and external control. Keeping food logs and counting calories or points drives me nuts. I am a romantic. I want to live and love life and savor every moment. I do not thrive on programs or anything that is too structured. I do better with a style of eating that is not focused on numbers (like vegetarian for example), but I rebel against that too sooner or later.

I have been an emotional eater. I have been a binge eater. I have been a purger. I have been a crash dieter. I started my fitness journey 3 years ago on July 4, 2003. I ate intuitively in the beginning and dropped 80 pounds in 9 months. I was not focusing on my weight and only weighed myself every now and then. My desire was to be free from binge eating. Intuitive eating is the best way I know to break the destructive cycle of binge eating. It worked for me! As soon as I was walking in victory over binge eating, I decided to tackle the rest of my weight. Big mistake. I alternated between super clean eating and rebelling against it. My weight bounced up and down for over 2 years between a size 14 and a size 18. I forced myself to plan menus with perfect ratios for weeks at a time, but that never felt like a lifestyle to me. I do not want to keep food logs, weigh and measure food, or count anything for the rest of my life.

I joined this forum in March, added a rest day and stopped overtraining (with Cathe’s encouragement), and was more relaxed with my eating style. I dropped a size in 2 weeks. When a 12-week challenge started here, I joined. I slipped back into the pattern of being too careful with my eating. I made the mistake of trying to eat perfectly clean again. Working out started to feel like a chore. I went through a season of depression in June and did not want to exercise at all. Even my beloved Cathe workouts did not appeal to me. I was wearing a size 14 on Easter when I started the 12-week challenge. I challenged my way up to a size 18 again by the 4th of July. (My top weight was 260 pounds in a women’s size 28.)

I gave up my control on the 4th of July in a good way. I packed up my scale and started walking by faith. I legalized all foods and started eating intuitively again. I decided a few weeks ago to exercise the same way. Instead of planning formal rotations, I am waking up and picking a workout that sounds like fun and feels like a good match for my energy level. I am having a blast. I am at peace with food and my body. I am loving and looking forward to my workouts again. Ironically, my eating is cleaner than it was when I was trying so hard to eat clean. When I listen to my body, I choose whole foods most of the time because that is what I crave. When I want a treat, I enjoy it without guilt. Then I go right back to eating in a way that blesses my body. Knowing that I am free to eat what I really want sets me free to not eat all of it today. Having a “free” day once a week was a good start to breaking the all-or-nothing cycle, but I found myself eating treats every week just because it was my free day. Now I just eat those foods when I really want them. Everything is much more satisfying this way, and I am discovering that sweets and treats are just occasional. Eating intuitively for me is eating foods that bless my whole body and make me feel good, not just eating things that taste good. I am eating when I am hungry until I am satisfied instead of measuring portions.

I do not know what effect this will have on my body, but it is already working wonders for my mental health. I am joyful and at peace right now. Instead of spending so much time planning perfect menus and rotations, I am spending more time with my friends and enjoying each day to the fullest now instead of putting my life on hold until I reach my goal. My ultimate goal is a size 8, and I believe my body will get there naturally. It may not happen in my timing, but it will happen. I have been thin in the past as a result of eating disorders and other obsessions. Losing weight is not worth it if you lose your mind in the process. Fitness is about freedom, not a size. I want to be fit and free!

One of the things I am learning by listening to my body is that I am spiritually hungry now. I have been spending time in Bible study first thing every morning before I eat or exercise. And I cannot believe how much better my days have been. I have also been blessing my body by getting to sleep at a decent hour even if I have to leave a few dishes in the sink overnight.

After my Bible study this morning, I did Kick, Punch, & Crunch and had a blast! By the way, I love to write. Friends tease me about having the gift of words and words and words. ;-) :7

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Heather, thanks for writing and sharing your experiences! I look at it like this: It shouldn't have to be so "hard", like banging your head against the bricks repeatedly. If we could truly listen and move the body to its desire and eat intuitively without stuffing or starving, we could definitely be more peaceful on the inside. We could be in a "flow" state, live more authentically.

THE TRICKS:
**the underlying messages (and if you've dieted, and if you've disconnected, and if you've had a piece of therapy, you know underlying messages from years ago can be challenging and sly!);

**society/media pressures (eat-this-not-that, diet, whittle yourself to a waif, etc.);

**coping mechanisms (again, if you've dieted and purged and binged for a long time and recognize those behaviors, you know they're just covering up underlying issues).

In general to anyone reading: I think if you can find a gentle therapist who specializes in your issue (and, yes, I think it takes a commited bout of therapy to unwrap the knots of the past, to slowly change behaviors toward your own truth), and if you can commit to "let go" of the race to perfection, you can slowly but surely shed the weight of your struggle.

Additionally, I think much of this is about comforting ourselves, treating ourselves as we would a guest or our own child. Don't put yourself on the backburner. Be your own best friend. Respect your body's signals.

I'm reading a lot about yoga right now... I used to think I had to go into a class and stand on my head at the drop of a hat, and that was intimidating and foreign to me. But, any good instructor will encourage listening to your body, stretching yourself to your individual limits/needs for that day only. So, I've been stretching at home, doing my own practice at the moment. P.S., I suscribe to yogajournal.com's daily emails, which I find helpful and calming while I'm working.

It's going to be a long night -- I tend to get really stiff and tight all over. I'll remember to drink water, walk around, stretch in the bathroom (about the only private place, for goodness sake!). And, when I get home in the a.m., I will clean myself up, cuddle with my kitty, have breakfast if I'm hungry, and sleep sleep sleep!

Best,
Caroline

;-)
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Hello! I thought I'd join this check-in because it is such a wonderful idea.

I've had a battle with food for about a year now. Before I started this battle, I'd say I was pretty normal about food.

About a year ago I lost about twenty pounds and felt wonderful. For some reason or other I felt as though I needed to lose more weight even though I was perfectly healthy. So, I started to restrict my diet and barely ate. I believe I did this because I equate appearance with self worth. If I think I look bad, then I don't feel worth of being loved. Terrible, I know, but I am just now beginning to get help with that.

Anyways, so I lost some weight, but then my periods went away. (I am too young for menopause to kick in, so I knew it wasn't that, plus they stopped suddenly). So then in December I was put on the birth control pill to bring my periods back, which it eventually did. But at the same time, some events triggered a very depressing time in my life.

I was a binge eater for roughly three months. From Febuary to April. I would binge everyday, and not tell anyone what pain I was in. I felt ashamamed of myself, I looked terrible and did not feel as though I was worth anyones time. I was depressed for that time and I'm now just beginning to recover from that time. I would eat until I felt my stomach would burst. I cried a lot and just felt terrible. I definetly hit rock bottom at this time in my life.

I struggle with it everday. Now, I want to lose the weight I regained. The good thing is that I no longer eat for emotional issues, I eat junk food because it tastes good! But I need to stop that. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Its a hard thing to deal with! But I am trying everyday. I am working towards realizing that I AM worth living even if I'm carrying a few wxtra pounds. For some reason I don't see it like that.

It is a battle everday. A battle of feeling worthy enough. A battle of not labeling foods as "good" and "bad" and rather just listening to my body.

Thanks so much for starting this thread. Such a wonderful idea!

*Liz*
 
Listen to Your Body Check-in

I have discovered a big key to walking in freedom. First the spiritual. Then the physical. It is important for me to nourish my soul before my physical body; otherwise, I will confuse soul hunger with hunger for food. When I start my day with Bible study and prayer, I can trust my body to tell me what and how much to eat.

I am currently working through a Bible study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. Awesome study! After my Bible study this morning, I did Boot Camp. Those terminators are out of this world!

I had a really intense and healing session with my counselor tonight. We are in the process of uprooting the lies I have been believing since I was a little girl that drove me to dieting and compulsive binge eating and left me with a distorted body image. I have been experiencing some emotional battles lately like feeling lonely, invisible, and detached even when surrounded by people I love. This weird feeling of not belonging keeps coming over me. I am not sure why. I am just recording it in my journal and pressing on. It is not unusual for emotional stuff to surface as the fat starts melting away.

Caroline, I hope you had a restful day. I gather that you work the night shift and sleep during the daytime hours?

Liz, welcome to the check-in. I have been where you are, and I can so relate to you. I too have battled the lie that thin and beautiful = worthy of being loved. It is a lie from the pit of hell. I am not what I weigh. You are not what you weigh either. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful. You are worthy of love. These things are true. This is not a battle to feel worthy. It is a fight of faith to believe. The feelings will follow. You cannot change the way you feel, but you can change the way you think. Your feelings will change naturally. Be very careful what you say to yourself and about yourself. Words are powerful indeed. I look forward to getting to know you and Caroline as we take this amazing journey together. Both of you (and anyone else who dares to come along) will remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Heather,

Thanks so much for your support! Its great to be able to talk to someone who has been where I am. I also realize just how powerful words are. Just recently, I started to realize just how many times a day I put myself down. I am so mean to myself! Saying things about my fat thighs...and anything else that you can imagine. I am my toughest critic and worst enemy. I am so happy that I am taking care of my problem now and not suffering in silence for years.

I am also meeting with a counselor to talk over my issues, and I have found it to be extremely helpful. I talk about my feelings of unworthiness, my all or nothing thinking, and everything else on my mind. I love it! I walk out of my sessions feeling refreshed and renewed. but as hard as I try I still equate worthiness with thiness. Its almost as if I've brainwashed myself. I would like to lose about 20 pounds, but I am waitng to live life until I lose the weight. I keep saying "When I lose the weight...." somplete the sentence. I need to stop this! Its is mentally exhausting!

I look forward to meeting you and Caroline in this check in. Thanks again for your support!

*Liz*
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Hello, Heather, and welcome, Liz!

Gosh, we are all so similar. Heather, I'd love to know about your medidation/prayer time in the a.m. I will google the author and check it out.

I recently emailed a friend who is on the same journey (isn't it funny how some ppl get it and some ppl don't? we're just all on different paths, and that's okay...), but she replied with some wonderful suggestions. I will go ahead and paste her response here. Basically, I wrote saying I've got the munchies (i'm a picker), and I just needed to pay more attention to myself. Heather, you are right, it's a spiritual journey, and it's wise to treat yourself to spiritual nourishment first and foremost.

Here's my friend's message today: "Did you ever think that maybe some of the food issues has to do with what you are eating? That maybe what you are eating isn't right for your body/digestive system? Think about this a little -- I realized I function better on a mostly vegetarian diet -- it's what works for you. Here's an affirmation that is working wonders: I breathe joy and gratitude into my heart. I am grounded at my heart centre - here I am safe and all is well.

And just keep loving yourself. Tell yourself that...Protect yourself! Burn insence (japanese lavender is heavenly), surround yourself with the colour you feel safest in, and come back to that place throughout the day. I hope these tips help, they have done wonders for me. Just know you are at the right place and everything is okay....You aren't building a mud hut here in a day - you are building a mansion and that's going to take some time! So every day is one more brick. Get yourself a Louise Hay tape -- either the one about loving yourself or the morning/evening meditations. I have both and I love them so much. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Everything will fall into place -- just keep setting your intention every day and put your energy there. Little by little doors will open and you will be nudged to where you need to go. Fall back into the arms of the universe and know you are being held there. You are never alone; you have your angels! Breathe Caroline!" (end of her msg)


I think the insence idea sounds great as well as the Louise Hay tapes when I'm getting ready for work or just waking up. Have you all ever thought that the "not worthy, not good enough" embedded thoughts drive us to steer from what's good for us? I know much of this is allowing myself the chance to have good things b/c they are at my fingertips...it's about opening myself to treat myself realllllly well. (I'll add: I don't feel "down" 24/7, it's usually when I'm stressed or overloaded like working overnights not getting sleep, but I still want to pay close attention to those times. That's why I posted this check-in.)

Okay, I need to run. More later. Take good care.
 
Listen to Your Body Check-in

Caroline and Liz:

Beth Moore is my favorite Bible teacher. She was a group fitness instructor for 12 years. God called her to give that up to write women’s Bible studies. She wants to see women set free! Her ministry is called Living Proof:

http://www.lproof.org

Danna Demetre is a registered nurse who has conquered binge eating. She also advocates eating when hungry and enjoying all things in moderation. I highly recommend her Healthy Self-Talk CD for positive affirmations set to music:

http://www.dannademetre.com/store.htm

I just bought it last month, and it has been a great $10.00 investment for me.

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Heather and Caroline,

Thanks so much for the links. I'll definitely look into buying that CD. I am so happy to talk to people who are similiar to me. I'm very excited to have this check in and the support of both of you. Thanks so much. Talk to you soon.

Liz
 
Listen to Your Body Check-in

After my Bible study this morning, I did my beloved Rhythmic Step without the challenge. I am hoping to give that a whirl soon.

I usually eat steamed veggies or something light in the evening. I was extremely hungry after work and craving oatmeal of all things. I fixed a bowl of steamed steel-cut oats with natural peanut butter and raw honey. Yummy and satisfying! :9

I am tired and hungry this week for some reason. I am not doing heavy weight training, and it is not time for my cycle. I am just eating when I am hungry and not trying to figure out why. If I am hungry, I am not going to gain weight by eating whole grains late in the day.

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Hi all!

It's amazing how you feel when you tune in, tap into energy to your body and mind's liking and trust. I was off last night, so after a warm workout, I went to the grocery store and bought fresh produce since so much is in season right now. I showered, poured a glass of red wine, sauted some zucchini, read Vanity Fair and watched Sex and the City. I woke up refreshed and not needing to eat for comfort, and I'm just so excited when I'm off work! It's MY time, and I'm able to continue working in the direction I want (out of my current position). One thing, I need to remind myself to treat myself more often like last night -- such an easy, peaceful night. It was a kind of treat that truly nourishes me.

And, Heather, you're right, eating grains late in the day is NOT going to make you overweight. Eating when you're not hungry regularly, overeating regularly, and emotional eating regularly will make you gain weight, make you feel sluggish, etc. Go back to your Intuitive Eating book (aren't you reading that?), and think about the point they make (gosh, I think it's this book..anyway..): ***Naturally thin people eat what they want when they want.****

I need to add that I'm not saying "thin" is the only accepted way. I do believe that when we listen to our bodies, we can move lighter, we can enjoy life more, and we can rid ourselves of ailments like joint pain, common colds, etc. Your insides need respect just like your outsides.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that all my friends (which are most of them) who don't have food fears eat really tasty things at any time, but they only do when they are hungry, and they really stop when they are satisfied! People like us might have to re-learn these natural behaviors, so it's about practicing everyday and not obsessing. Find a way to nurture yourself, tune in (I can't stress that one enough), and then find as many things as possible to expand your mind and heart.

Again, I will state to whoever is reading: It's not about food. Find the deeper appetites that swarm beneath the surface. What sort of things do you want to do but think you aren't xx enough? Get involved, take baby steps, treat yourself well.

Take care.
 
Listen to Your Body Check-in

After my Bible study this morning, I did Supersets. I have not been getting to bed as early this week. I am feeling it. I will likely take a rest day tomorrow unless I wake up bursting with energy.

Caroline, I am not reading Intuitive Eating. Actually, I do not have that book. I responded to threads on the subject because my approach to eating is very similar. I am not following anyone’s program or eating plan. I have skimmed through Danna Demetre’s Scale Down book and listened to her CDs. She also advocates eating when hungry and enjoying all things in moderation. The phrase “intuitive eating” is the best way I know to describe my current style of eating, so I am not referring to the book when I write that. I could call it eating naturally or non-dieting as well. I just know that friends who have never battled weight or eating disorders do not count calories or think about how many fat grams are in every meal they eat. My goal is not to be thin at any cost. I want to be fit and free. In the beginning, I prayed and asked God every day to teach me how to fuel my body. A grace-oriented approach works best for me. Somewhere along the way, I slid back into legalism. I am walking in freedom again, and I am delighted. Praise God for new beginnings! :)

Blessings,
Heather B.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV).
 
RE: Listen to Your Body Check-in

Good Saturday morning. I slept late (8:49 a.m.), and it felt fabulous! Here's what I've been thinking of lately:

I tend to get a little scared of being successful, like "could I handle all that goodness?" Does that make sense? So, I tend to sort of cower when Good and Possibility approach me. Because that means I'd have to get serious, take myself seriously and believe I can move beyond being afraid of moving past some people and fears. Again, am I enough to handle all that? What if I make a mistake?

So, after some thinking and talking with trusted people, I thought: I am so confident in some areas, why can't I be confident with xxx and xxx? And, someone suggested to me to take my most confident area and keep that in mind when the scary stuff pops up. That way you stay in control. Does this make sense?

I guess what I'm trying to say here is don't give your power away to other things or people. Keep that staunch sense of self. Because I know that when I'm not filled up on the inside with grace and presence and faith and confidence, that's when I want a pan of brownies! And, that's when I want to exercise it off and be "good" the next day, censor myself. We all know how vicious that cycle can be...After a while, you learn it's easier not to go there.

So, when I talk about "appetites", like what do you really want? I'm not necessarily talking food-wise. I'm talking how can you fill up your life? What gets you excited and into your flow? Maybe writing a book, starting a business, planning a vacay and working extra, etc.... Sure, it's probably a little work, some research, some asking, and sure, it's scary! But, it gets you going. It provides that buzz of energy to have hope and get you moving toward creating your own paradise. It removes you from chasing your tail in the vicious diet cycle.

So, for example, I work tonight, starting my 4-day overnight shift. Yuck, yuck, yuck. But, I plan to make my day enjoyable (and pretty calm since I need the rest, and my foot has an injury); I will dress well even though I'm working overnights; I will maintain my sense of power and not let my "day job" control my sense of worth and hope.

Take care and listen...
 
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