Wedding invite question - your opinion

Timber99

Cathlete
BF was recently invited to a wedding alone (no "with guest" or "with Christine.") We have been together for 8+ years and lived together for 6+ years. This girl is someone that I have never met (yet) but someone who he served in the military with and considers himself rather close with. She explained to him that she doesn't have a lot of money so she didn't invite significant others.

I know others might not agree, but this is highly offensive to me! We've been together forever and inviting him without me is not acceptable in my opinion. NO SOs are invited from the group and I think that is disrespectful.

If it were my frined, I would poitely (and have in the past) tell them that I do not attend those types of events without BF and decline. BF feels that she has a "good excuse" b/c they don't have a lot of money and I know that he wants to go. He also keeps asking me to tell him what I want him to do about it (to go or not).

Your thoughts? Am I wrong?
Christine
 

BadLeslie

Cathlete
I would tell your BF he can't go. I really don't think you need to give a gift unless you are going (unless you are a relative or a close friend), although that is not what the etiquette books recommend.
 

betsylz

Active Member
I had this happen many years ago and I did feel bad about not being invited. My bf(now dh)wasn't too happy about it either, but we decided that he should go anyway. I can understand the reasoning behind it, but do think that it causes a lot of hard feelings. It's not something I would do if I was planning a wedding. We never had any social interactions with this couple afterward. I really thought it was rude, especially since there were SOME SO's invited, just not all. (I think it depended on if they knew the SO).
 

Conni

Cathlete
Frankly, I think he should go and be supportive of his friend. You should brush this off, it is not that important in the "big" scheme of things and I think your BF would appreciate your sensitivity in this matter, putting your emotions aside for something he feels is important to him.
This, from what I am reading, is not a personal slight to you, it is a financial situation, period. Spend a nice afternoon with your BF picking out a suitable gift and just let it go.

JMO..
 

tytbody

Cathlete
He should go. He made friends with this lady, she is marrying someone else, she's not after him and keeps freiends alive. Later you will get to meet her and her husband maybe at a more quaint gathering and then wonder why you got your feathers ruffled over nothing.

Please, don't worry, she explained. It's okay.
You've got plenty of history with the man.. there's just not enough that can be said that it's okay. He'll be home early also because he will miss you. :)

~~TyTbody~~
Working towards Perpetual Motion
 

t_jania

Cathlete
I think he should go.

I know you're offended by not being invited, however the bride should do whatever she wants to do on her special day. I've seen brides worry about inviting or not inviting relatives! So in this case, please realize it's not personal. Let him go and as for you, have yourself a girls night out.
 

scm

Cathlete
I've been in this situation too. I was invited DH was not. Money was the excuse. Even though I wouldn't like the idea of it, he should go to the wedding NOT the reception.
 

dananmis22

Cathlete
I second Tammy J. My dh and I had a very small wedding, there were less than 20 there, and I felt terrible about the people who were close to me and didn't get to come. As the bride, I wanted to invite everyone I love and those they love to my special day, but funds didn't allow. Please do not feel jilted. This is the only day that will be all about her, let her enjoy it. She probably feels bad. You will get to meet her eventually.
 

wendymin72

Cathlete
Well, IMO, regardless of wether or not what this woman did is socially acceptable or not, the only thing that truly matters now is wether or not your BF attends this wedding. If it were me, I would just let him go if he wants to. He didn't make the choice to invite people without their partners, she did. I don't feel it's right to "punish" your BF for that by trying to disuade him from attending. JMHO, ofcourse. :)

Let us know what you decide to do.

~Wendy~

I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN

http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img]
EDD: 05/19/05
 

merrybaker

Cathlete
I think its silly !!! They should Elope,or not have a reception,or have a POT Luck after if they are so poor !!! LOL , I also would just let him go if he wants . Its not his fault She did the inviting .I bet he will be home early if he goes cuz you wont be there . Just go do something fun with your girlfriends while hes gone !!! And I would maybe give them a toaster for a gift LOL !!!!! Or a Can opener LOL Keep your chin up ,Hug your honey and dont blame him He loves you !!! :) :) :) :)
 

princesscks

Active Member
What good is going to a wedding (a romantic event) if you have to go alone and you have an SO. That means there are going to be a whole bunch of "single" people there, lonely for their other half, while the bride has the time of her life! It's a little selfish to me. If money is that tight, have a backyard wedding or something; I definitely would.

If I was the one invited, I would decline and send a gift. If my BF was invited and he really wanted to go, I would let him go, so he can see what an understanding person I am. But for that, he'll owe me one.

-Chiquita
 

allwildgirl

Cathlete
I have to agree that it sounds pretty rude. If money is that tight, then just invite fewer people but allow them to bring their SO. Still, the invite is out, and if you FORBID your BF to go, that's just going to cause problems between the two of you. If he's close with this person, then he'll resent you not "letting" him go.

But, yeah, he'll definitely owe you one;)
 

dss62467

Cathlete
Paying for a wedding is very difficult, especially for someone in the military - who doesn't make a lot of money. I would only be offended if he was the only one who received this type of invitation.

What I think would be disrespectful, and I hope I don't offend you, is calling her and saying that he won't attend if his girlfriend isn't invited. I'm sure it was a very difficult decision for her to make.

I absolutely would tell my husband to go and enjoy himself. As I would expect him to do if I was invited and he wasn't.
 

Timber99

Cathlete
Thanks guys :) Sometimes when I have a strong stand on something and BF sort of shrugs his shoulders, I wonder if I am being unreasonable. I was brought up differently and sometimes what is important to me is not nearly as important to him.

I really have no idea "how" other people were invited and if his is the only invite like this. The thing that bothers me is that for her *low budget* wedding, she sent out hotel information for those that wanted to stay overnight. It is far enough away that BF won't hurry home and may even want to stay overnight w/a group of the guys (if they were invited, I don't even know).

I already told BF that he can do what he wants but I know that he feels torn, esp. knowing that I am upset about it. I am going to talk w/him again tonight. I know that he indeed wants to go. Maybe the compromise is that he goes but doesn't stay over. I guess we can work it out.
 

dss62467

Cathlete
It's pretty common practice to send out hotel information. The bride and groom don't pay for your rooms though. You have to pay for it yourself.
 

dani21496

Cathlete
It is rude not to invite a significant other when it's known the guest (over 18) is in a long term relationship. You are not wrong at all and I definitely would just have your BF respond "NO" and then send a gift. It is rude not to invite a guest, whether money is tight or not. There are many other ways to cut down on the budget without being rude. Another option someone pointed out was for him to go to the ceremony only and skip the reception. He can write that on the rsvp too that he will only be attending the ceremony.

I just recently planned my own wedding and have been on www.theknot.com message boards for just about a year and 1/2 now, and it's common knowledge that you're supposed to say "and guest" on the invites of all guests over 18 who are in a relationship. Money was tight with our wedding too and we paid for the entire thing ourselves.
 

wendyjpa

Cathlete
I agree with the others who suggest it is rude. I really really agree with Mary who says, if they can't afford it, then elope and have a small potluck afterwards!! However, it's not your wedding its hers. I would suggest your BF decline and send a gift. Hey, she may be just as happy cause she'll get the gift and NOT have to pay for the meal LOL.
I just don't get how people expect other people to attend and enjoy events like that without their SO. I think if this is what she did with alot of other people, she is going to see a lot of declines.
 

cjbate

Cathlete
He should go. Based on the information you've given, it is about $ and not about you. Her wedding is not about you and about people's dates. If she includes people's SO she might not be able to invite other people she is very very close to. The wedding is about celebrating their life together as a couple among those that love them and not about the guests SO's. Or the gifts. She is definitely not being rude.

JMHO
Jen
 

dani21496

Cathlete
>He should go. Based on the information you've given, it is
>about $ and not about you. Her wedding is not about you and
>about people's dates. If she includes people's SO she might
>not be able to invite other people she is very very close to.
>The wedding is about celebrating their life together as a
>couple among those that love them and not about the guests
>SO's. Or the gifts. She is definitely not being rude.
>
>JMHO
>Jen
>

Jen, I'm just curious. Do you think it would still not be rude if they were married and she only invited him? I'm just curious to see what others feel about married couples then? Maybe I'm out of the loop or something.

Here's a quote I found from this link on etiquette:

http://www.supanet.com/ladiesroom/weddings/etiquette/need_invite.html


"INVITING GUESTS' UNMARRIED PARTNERS:

Whether to invite the unmarried partners of your desired guests is a common and contentious dilemma. Although it is usual for each party to adopt a system to help them ration the number of invitations they have, long term unmarried partnerships are almost socially equal to marriages. However, short term relationships are not and therefore do not need to be acknowledged socially at an important event such as your wedding."
 

dss62467

Cathlete
I don't know...maybe it's just me....but if it's going to be a party of a bunch of people I know and my husband doesn't, I would kind of like to go alone. That way I don't have to worry if he's having a good time.

I know that I wouldn't be offended, but I'm not easily offended. Still...I never would have invited without including dates. I even invited kids.
 

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