Speaking of marriage....

dss62467

Cathlete
Just reading Amyrobyn's post about her boyfriend wanting a break and the responses that have been given, I was wondering if I'm the only one who feels the way I do about marriage.

Let me begin by saying that I'm happily married and am not considering splitting from my husband. But, if for some reason in the future, we were to no longer be together, I don't think I'd get married again.

Before I got married, I don't really think I truly grasped the meaning of "commitment". Sure, I got it on one level, but not like I do now. There are times when I'm so ticked off at dh that I would leave him, except we have a child now, so I can't seriously consider it. Luckily I'm married to someone that I can be with forever. If I was to find myself single again, however, I don't know if I would be too keen on the idea of getting myself back into something so, well, final.

I'd be into the idea of having a long-term monogomous relationship. But getting married again? Maybe I'd wait until I was in my 60's or 70's. And then I'd marry someone a lot younger. ha ha.
 

betsylz

Active Member
I've often thought this myself. I'm on my second marriage and doubt I would do it again. Not that I'm not happy now, but a long term unmarried relationship sounds much more appealing should this one ever end. I sort of feel sad about feeling this way, but it's just the way I'm built I guess.
 

Aquajock

Cathlete
If, God forbid, I should ever lose DH I seriously, seriously doubt I'd ever get married again or even get involved in a committed relationship again. DH and I are soulmates, and I'm too spoiled by that to ever settle for anything less ever again - and marriage and LTRs are just too damned much work without it.

A-Jock
 

dss62467

Cathlete
On one hand, it kind of makes me feel guilty too that I feel that way. But on the other, it makes me glad to know I'm independant and have enough self-esteem to be happy alone. I've seen so many women stay in unhappy relationships just because they're afraid to be alone.
 

allwildgirl

Cathlete
I've been married twice. And I definitely won't do it again. My current relationship is the best thing I've ever had, I'm happy for probably the first time in my life on a consistent basis, I have a fantastic little girl. I don't see how adding a piece of paper to that will make it any different and/or better. If anything should happen between my SO and I, I would be more than happy to live out my days with Limecat by my side, both of us grumpy and eccentric to the end of our days!
 

nancy324

Cathlete
I hear ya, Donna. Commitment was very hard for me, which is probably why I didn't get married until my forties. It has been very difficult for me to make the transition from doing everything for myself to always having to think of someone else. On balance though, the loneliness of being single was worse. I'm an introvert, and not good at making new friends. Marriage gives me a built-in all-the-time best friend, and a guaranteed dinner date. So, for me, there are pros and cons on both sides.
 

Caren

Cathlete
I would marry my husband all over again, but if something happened to him I don't think I would marry anyone else. I just can't imagine it.

I think I was already just as committed to him before we got married as I am after. Everyone told us that marriage changes things, but three years later I'm still waiting for the big shock. I wanted to get married soooo bad before we did it, but now that we are married, I wonder why it was such a big deal to me. I mean, I'm glad we did it, but our relationship is the same.
 

Maximus

Cathlete
I was married once & I was really really bad at it. It wasn't the commitment that got to me. I have serious issues about sharing my space, & I am not good at compromising at all. It was two years of hell & unless I am completely swept off my feet I don't think I'll do it again.

The only thing is I'm scared I'll regret it. Like, not having a family & all that. Plus who's gonna take care of me when I'm old? LOL!

I'm 37, & sometimes I think maybe when I'm older, like in my 50s or 60s, I'll do it again for the companionship. But I'm really happy right now w/my independence & freedom. I can't imagine trading that in for the compromise & hassle of having someone in my space 24/7.
 

wendymin72

Cathlete
I don't know if I'd want to marry again if DH and I were to split up for any reason but I certainly would want to find another partner. I don't NEED to be with someone but I think that I would WANT to be with someone. Probably not right away...but eventually. The idea of going through my life without someone to share it with is depressing to me.

2nd marriage? Maybe not. A new long-term relationship? Definately.

~Wendy~

I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!

http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img]
EDD: 05/19/05
 

finsgirl

Cathlete
Actually, Shelley took the words right out of my mouth. I feel the exact same way. I was on my last first date when I met my current boyfriend. I love him like crazy but if something should happen, there will be no others.

Angie
 

maxwells

Cathlete
I didn't weigh-in on Amyrobyn's post either because I'm pretty "different" when it comes to thoughts on marriage. I don't understand the point of it. Unless you have religious beliefs that require you to be married, I don't see the reason for it. In "the old days" when a woman needed to be taken care of by a man -- I can understand the reason for marriage. But now, I just don't get it. To me, "marriage" != "commitment". If children are involved, then maybe I can see the reason for having a legal document specifying that 2 people are a couple (so that both are responsible for the rug-rats).

Of course, this isn't a terribly popular belief (especially for a woman) and so it has caused me a lot of problems recently. I just can't imagine ever changing my mind and have yet to hear a good reason.

Shonie
 

merrybaker

Cathlete
I have to say My first marriage was bad . My hubby now is great !! But if he screws up ! I already have a plan !!! And one is never again LOL No really I mean it:eek: :eek: :eek: }( }( }( }(
 

dss62467

Cathlete
Shonie - I think it's not a popular belief only for women who haven't ever been married. I definitely feel that it's optimal for a couple to be married if they're parents, but it can still be good for the child if they're not. And it's only optimal if the parents are happily married.
 

Caren

Cathlete
Bill - that's so true! Any old couple will tell you it all comes down to friendship in the end anyway.
 

KathyH

Cathlete
Hi Donna! Your posts always make me laugh b/c your so cute! I'm referring to your comment that you'd maybe marry in your 60s or 70s LOL I'm married for 21 years & I too have thought the same thing as you but only when my DH ticks me off. Most of the time my DH is wonderful, very caring, considerate, always there when I need him. He has so many wonderful qualities that I would be devastated if I no longer had him in my life. That's why I would never marry again. Kathy:D
 

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