Not worth the energy....

banslug

banslug

Cathlete
I know we've chatted about this many times before, but here goes again! :)

Once a week, my friends and I get together at somebody's house, with all the kids, to swim. We all bring a snack to share, and the host provides the pool, bathroom ;-) , and drinks. I always bring my own personal snack and bottled water like an apple with string cheese, an orange, or something similar to that. The reason is pretty obvious...because evrybody else brings junk....cupcakes, donuts holes, sugar-loaded lemonade, yada yada.

And what happens everytime we're together, happened again yesterday....the ladies begin talking about how out of shape they are, how they want to lose xxx pounds, how they SHOULD exercise, etc. I just sit there. Quiet. When they ask me what I do and eat, I tell them, but other than that I offer no input unless I'm asked. I hate to say "it's not worth the energy", but quite frankly, I've been in that situation enough to know it really ISN'T worth the energry.

On a happy note, though, one of my friends said she has committed to the Couth to 5K program this past week and her goal is to run the Pumpkin Pie 5K on T-Day this year.

Gayle
 
i feel your pain gayle. my dh and his family very out of shape. his mom is going through some difficult health issues.she quit smoking i am going to guess about 9 months ago. she has put on weight but is still having breathing troubles. dr. told her that her lungs are healing(makes sense i got a bad flu-like deal when i quit too but got over it quickly) and that the extra weight may be making it harder. her friend that lives with them is that "i'll start soon" excuse girl, and dh well he just doesn't want to except any exercise is better then no exercise(macho man listens to too many men at work about "powerlifting",hey how about lifting something other then a 12oz heinken and junk).

i try to offer my knowledge my "secrets" and my reasons for why i fight hard to eat right(this is my issue but i am working on it) and why i work out but it falls on deaf ears and excuses. its like if they don't want to listen to reason then why should i bother talking. its hard to communicate with them anymore. they love sitting in front of the puters playing their website games(or building them) while i love discussing workouts and any new info i learned reading online.

i really wish they would find motivation and learn that things don't happen overnight so the best time to start something is now. i know they all can do it b/c they have done it before(mom used to walk alot, dh was hitting the gym, and mom's friend well she did a lot of yard work so i guess that counts LOL). like you i bring my own snacks over their place with a bottle of water and just sit there while they complain. i might roll my eyes or something b/c i once told dh that i don't want to hear about it if he is not willing to change it.


kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
 
You are not alone...I had a woman at church to ask me. Then she got turned off when I told her. Go figure (sorry about the pun). Sometimes we just need to show by example and not by words. You are doing the right thing, bringing healthy foods, etc. Until one makes up his or her mind, working out is the farthest thing from it. I have been there.

Good thing we do have a forum for support!

Annette Bethel
 
I think the best thing to do is focus on yourself (which is what Gayle wisely chose to do). Who cares if others want to scarf down ho-ho's and ding dongs. That's their problem so long as they aren't pushing it on you. It's takes will power and discipline to eat healthy and exercise but the rewards outweigh the sacrifice, at least that's what I tell myself when I pass up the cupcakes.....
 
Yeah, you have to bite you tongue unless a friend takes you aside in private and asks for your help with her diet and exercise program, then and only then can you gently explain why you eat and exercise the way you do,etc....

My own DH does this, he complains about his weight then eats like crap.But I cannot police him, he is a big boy and knows what to do. If the role was reversed I would hate it if someone did it to me.
 
A lady at work yesterday was tyring to sign up everyone in the dept to do the lemonade diet to lose 20lbs with her. I nicely tried to explain that it wasn't healhty and basically starving herself wasn't the right way. Told her if she just brough lunch from home instead of orderinf out everyday, it would probably be much better and have the same effect. Also told her need to exercise as well. There are no easy fixes. She didn't want to hear it.

I hope she enjoys her lemonade. Some people think they want the advice, but when they realize there is no "magic trick" and that it takes work, they don't want to hear it any more. You can't help those that don't want it.

Nan
 
Yep, I've decided the same thing. I've actually found lately though, that people have been more interested in looking in my shopping cart and seeing what I am feeding my kids at the pool. ;-) People ask, but then their eyes glaze over as I tell them that I exercise and eat healthy.... and I don't usually even go into much detail! No diets... just hard work!

As a side note, I found these organic Clif Z-bars that are perfect for taking to the pool or while we're out. They come in chocolate chip, chocolate brownie, and peanut butter and my kids love them! And now their friends ask if they can have one too. ;-) (Sam's club sells them in the large pack!) http://www.clifbar.com/food/products_clif_kid_zbar/
 
>
>And what happens everytime we're together, happened again
>yesterday....the ladies begin talking about how out of shape
>they are, how they want to lose xxx pounds, how they SHOULD
>exercise, etc. I just sit there. Quiet. When they ask me what
>I do and eat, I tell them, but other than that I offer no
>input unless I'm asked. I hate to say "it's not worth the
>energy", but quite frankly, I've been in that situation enough
>to know it really ISN'T worth the energry.
>

Aack...I feel your pain...this is why most of my friends are men. We never have this conversation.
 
jess my mom is second in command in the produce dept. at one of our local kroger stores which means she also handle the nature's organic markets. she lets me know what the clif bars go on sale(or when she does marked down salads, got a container of organice spring mix for $1 the other day LOL). they are really good,and when we do the weekend camping trips with the special needs scouts viola will eat the "grown up" ones. she calls them "cookies" b/c she likes the chocolate chips ones and the brownie ones. with all the energy she does expend on those trips i don't mind her having a bigger snack.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
 
I run into that issue at work. I lost a lot of weight and have kept it off for two years now. I am far from perfect and still have about 15 pounds I have been working on getting up the motivation to take off. I got tones of attention when I was dropping the weight and women at work would ask me how I did it. When I told them how I did it they quickly lost interest. One women was really obese and probably lost close to 75 pounds in just a few months. She did it by eating super low calorie soups and things like sugar free jello. I did not want to be one of those catty women who puts other women down but I thought to myself I bet she is going to gain it back there is not way she can eat like that forever. I saw her last week and she looks like she has already gained about 3/4s of the weight less than a year after she lost it. I gave her advice on how to take off the weight and keep it off in a healthy matter when she asked how I did it but I guess it just went in one ear and out the other.
 
Gayle, I know what you been, this also ircks me.I have also said to myself, "this isn't worth my energy or TIME". I have had friends write me ( on facebook) and ask how they should start running and what she needed to do. Or another friend ask about toning up. I have sat down, wrote them and told them both what they needed to do, even dropped off a bunch of workouts to one friend and the last I spoke to them, one hadn't been on the TM since I told her what to do and the other one didn't even take the workouts out of the bag! Why bother? And thats just an example of 2 people.

Also the family friend who moved in with us as been putting on weight. She told me that she is more worried about her skin cancer and the procedure that she needs to have done then the fact that she is gaining weight, and she said she would deal with it once her surgeries are over. In the meantime, she (jokingly) grummbles about how small I am. Hey, I work hard, and I watch what I eat. Thats why I don't have weight on. Now, in the meantime I could possibly go around shoving a cookie in my mouth but I just ran 9 miles...I deserve a cookie}(

Anyway...I could go on and on about this topic. Its a never ending topic! No advice for you...just wanted to let you know that I know what you are talking about! LOL

Lori:)
 
Just be glad you haven't got the "your so LUCKY" comments. That drives me nuts. Yeah I'm not luckily in shape I work at it. This esp happened 6 years ago when I was really fit. I'm sure I'll hear it again when I'm back at that point.
I think when your just out of taking care of yourself you really are out of it. You don't put as much thought to anything that you eat etc. When I workout I am suddenly aware of everything I eat. Not to say I never allow a splurge but it's not like some people can.
Usually that'd be when I get comments like that if I allowed myself a small piece of pie at a potluck after bringing my own snacks just in case and only eating the healthy ones during the meal. I casually say I RARELY eat desserts etc but I allow it on occasion. They just don't "get it".
 
>Just be glad you haven't got the "your so LUCKY" comments.
>That drives me nuts. Yeah I'm not luckily in shape I work at
>it.

oooh this is the one that get my MIL and i fighting. its make me mad that she does and in front of other ppl!!!(mostly her husband's perverted friends) and if you heard her tone in person it sounds very catty!! i told dh that it has to stop, not only does it put me on the spot(i am not the one for center of attention and my anxiety disorder kicks in) but its not a nice thing to discuss in front of my daughter. i don't want "looks" or "size" to be the only motivating factor in making sure my daughter stays active and comments like that really go against what i am trying hard to teach my daughter.

she hasn't done that lately though just more of the "i can't do anything b/c my breathing issues" she swears once she gets her appointment to make sure everything is okay(x-rays,etc) she will work on the weight loss.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
 
I find them on sale at Kroger too as well as the Clif Builder bars (Chocolate Mint.... yum!!) My kids think they're yummy too and it's nice to have a portable snack while we're out. I love Kroger, they have a really good organic section that's reasonably priced! You're lucky!
 
It's all so - sadly - typical. On the one hand there are the overweight folks who glaze over the second the words "eat right and get plenty of exercise" leave your mouth, and on the other there are the one's who'd rather starve themselves for results.

Last place I worked had one of those "always pushing diets" type. Super skinny but not healthy. When I started there she tried to bond with me, thinking that I was into these fad diets as well. She pretty much stopped talking to me when I finally said - in a nice way - that her info on health and fitness was junk science and malarkey and I wished she'd stop pushing her misinformed points-of-view on the rest of the office.

The really sad thing is, she is about 6 months pregnant now, and, according to a friend who still works there, goes around bragging about how she has only put on 5 pounds so far despite being pregnant. Apparently she tells everyone who passes within 10 feet that she is still wearing her regular clothes - "no dumpy maternity for me!" Sad sad sad.

Sparrow

"The winds of grace are always blowing but it's you who must raise your sail." - Sri Ramakrishna
 
Hi Gayle.

I feel your pain. People will complain endlessly but it takes ALOT more effort to actually MAKE THE COMMITTMENT and DO SOMETHING about it and most can't be bothered. You are doing the right thing. Answer questions but don't volunteer extra advice as I agree...it's NOT worth the effort most times. Even when asked it will usually go in one ear and out the other. My BMF has asked me countless times about how to eat right and exercise to lose weight. I even went to so far as to create a work out for him at his request. It's been a good 6 months and as far as I know he hasn't lifted a finger to exercise yet. He CLAIMS he's eating better but I won't believe it until I see it!
 
Gayle,

You are a very classy woman. I'm proud of you on how you managed to keep your composure. Now that's telling them. Actions speaks louder than words.

Janie

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The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 
I have a friend...she can barely make it up my stairs...I love her and I worry about her a lot. She talks about this diet and that diet. She was even going to do curves at one point...but I don't know that she did.

I've been working on me again...I kind of feel off the wagan and gained a few pounds back...but, I've been working hard.

When my friend came over a month or so ago, she asked to see my workout room, which is really a spare room that I use to workout in...it has all my DVD's and weights in there. She goes..."well, where's all your machines." I said, you don't need machines...I've got Cathe...She just couldn't fathum that I get all this from a "movie!"

Then she asked what I did as far as loosing...I told her and of course I got the excuses of why she can't...and the OMG...i'd die if I did that...

Geez, I'll die if I don't.

Sometimes, when others ask me...I just say...really, you think I lost weight...wow! Cool! Blows them away and they usually go away!

Celeste
 
Thanks, guys! I KNEW there are others out there like me! LOL

Just last night, SO, who just came back from a 2 week business trip, said that he actually lost 7 pounds while away. I asked him what he did differently (he's one of those that keeps saying he needs to lose, yet doesn't do a thing) and he said he ate 4 meals a day, no snacks and no soda. GO FIGURE! LOL I've been telling him (everytime he ASKS, of course) that he needs to eat regularly small meals.

Imagine that!

Jess-thanks for the input on those bars. My kids love taking bars with us also when we go to the pool, amusement park, etc.

Gayle
 
I don't know. Maybe it's because I've been working out so long, so this particular topic of conversation is just like any other to me, but I never even give it a second thought when my family or friends bring up exercise, diet and such.

In other words, we chat about it like we chat about the weather. I don't get frustrated at all.

The "lucky" comment bothered me a long time ago. Then I realized, I AM lucky.

Some don't have the money to spend on weights, DVDs, a treadmill, etc.
Some don't have the motivation to start.
Some don't have the perseverance to continue.

I have all 3, so yeah...I'm pretty lucky. And thankful. :)
 
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