Mothers Day problem

janie1234

janie1234

Cathlete
Okay so Mothers Day is coming. My mother in law calls and says that she wants our family to all get together at my brother in laws house. Without going into detail and as is not uncommon with all families there was a bit of a falling out with the family 2 years ago. Disclosure me and my family had nothing to do with it. It was a fall out with my husbands other siblings. To make a long story short we don't get together I don't really care for my sister in law. This is not that uncommon with my husband's family because they are just not the get together type. Not the hugging type either, . . .just not very close. Anyhow I'm a little peeved by the invite because in all the years that we have been married my mother in law has never wished me a happy mothers day. She just sorta looks as mothers day as being HER day. No card no nothing, big ol zip nada although religiously I send her a huge arrangement of flowers. So am I wrong to feel like it IS Mothers Day for ME to? Or am I being a total selfish arogant baby. I promise I won't feel offended by your thoughts. Of course I told him he should go and that I'll just make it a day with the kids and take them to a movie and some lunch. Another thing I should mention is that she was diagnoised last year with terminal lung cancer so of course it makes me feel totally crapy that I want my husband to spend the day with me when we all don't know how many more mothers days she will have left. I just felt like crying when she called. I'm not a Valentines, anniversary, or even a birthday person. I just don't really care to celebrate these holidays but Mothers Day. I mean being a mom is like my one and only proud accomplishment in life. My kids are just the super awesomist kids in the whole wide world. Okay done complaining. Thanks everyone!
 
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Maybe just go to dear MIL for a few hours and then spend the rest of the day with your family? No excuses...just do it. :) I know easier said than done, eh?! I have figured out that life is too short to not take control of what makes you happy...know what I mean? Let your husband take care of the explanation. HTH!
 
Janie, I dont blame you ONE BIT for feeling the way you do! We get so busy with doing stuff for our moms on Mothers Day that I feel like "What about this holiday being for ME too!" I feel how you do re I love being a mom. IF the only thing I accomplish in this life is that my girls are healthy and happy I did a darn good job! Chasing after 3 kids all the time I would like to look forward to a relaxing Mothers Day but it likely wont be that way.
Sounds like the family you're dealing with is not so easy. I hope the day turns out to be a nice one for you.

Re expecting a card from her.... I am friendly with my mom and close withmy MIL. They never get me anythign and I don't expect it either. I see it as my kids (and DH!) better pamper me, but from our moms I don't expect it. :)
 
It's your husband's Mum and as you said, she has an incurable form of lung cancer. Why not ask him what he would like? Personally I'd set aside my own drama and make it a Mother's Day for all of you.
 
Hm. Difficult.

I understand not wanting to spend a special day with people you don't particularly enjoy.

On the other hand, this woman is your husband's mom, and she's dying.

I think if I were you, and he wanted to be with his mother, I would go with him (hoping, of course, his siblings behave). Perhaps decide together how long you would like to stay, and agree to leave gracefully should one or more of his siblings start to act up.

You could also set aside a part of the day just for you. There's no reason to spend the entire day with your inlaws.

A lot depends on how your husband feels.
 
I went through this a few yrs ago with my MIL. My family is down south so getting together with them is not an option. My in-laws wanted to get together for Mothers Day & my SIL B-Day. I got my undies all in a bunch & didn't want to go. Once I realized that I was being selfish (not saying you are at all!) we made Sat MY DAY & then spent Sun with in laws. Everyone was happy.
It wasn't worth me being a snot over. (Again, not that you are, I was)I had to remember that my dh wanted to spend time with his mother too & kept in mind what we were teaching our children. I wanted them to see there Dad still spending Mothers Day with his MOm so when they get older they will still come see me.
You have time to think about it & make a decision.

Good Luck
 
I have 3 little boys and a MIL! At times like this I will often put myself in her shoes, because I WILL be there one day, hoping their spouses like me, hoping my boys and their families will still want to spend time with me, and being a little sad that I lost my place in line in my boys' affections when they grew up and fell in love with their wives.

.... And then I do/act/behave how what I hope my future DIL will do for me one day......

The nice thing about birthdays and valentine's days is you DON'T have to share them with anyone :) (usually!)

Jen
 
Thank you everyone! You are all fabulous. Yeah, . . I know I'm being a total snot about this whole thing. It is hard not to be. When we first heard about the cancer over 6 months ago I drove over to her house every weekend (over an hour drive) and totally supported them, cooking, cleaning and such. Both in laws are elderly 84 and 76 but as much as we've offered to help them move into something smaller and more managable they refuse to move to be closer to family. Which leaves me to drive over all the time to help them out. They like to live large and I mean livin large. Like streets are paved with gold type of living. They refuse to downgrade their lifestyle. Let me put it this way my mother in law would NEVER step foot inside a Walmart EVER! I even made arrangements on Christmas for my husband and his brothers to have dinner at some fancy shmancy restaurant in town (where the bill totaled over $800!) Okay, I know I'm whinning. Was I happy to do all that stuff and not expect anything in return, yes, absolutely. My question is do I have to keep doing all this stuff? I have a family too. Another point I need to make is that my husbands job just had a bunch of lay offs. Thankfully he did not get laid off but because of the lay offs he's had to work 10-12 hour days. In other words the kids and I rarely see or spend time with him. I guess this just exasperates everything. I know you are all right. I gotta get over it. As of tomorrow I'll get over it. I just need the day to be whinny, . . you know PMS and all. Thanks so much everyone. :)
 
You have every right to want some special time on Mother's Day. Keep in mind that although you MIL is your husband's mother - YOU are the mother of HIS children so he needs to make sure that the mother of his children gets her day as well.

I would pick the half of the day that you would really like to be pampered (that's what we've done):

Morning - breakfast in bed, whatever you want to do and then go to your in-laws the latter half of the day.

Evening - go to your in-laws early and then be gone so you get dinner out or whatever else you may want to do for yourself.

Surely there must be a compromise. With the health of his Mom, you don't want your husband resenting you down the road since this could very well be her last Mother's Day. That being said though, you deserve special time as well.

You are not being whiny. Being a mom is a tough job and we all look forward to the ONE DAY we get a year to feel special. Lord knows the other 364 days we are doing everything for everyone else!
 
LaughingWater said:
Hm. Difficult.

I understand not wanting to spend a special day with people you don't particularly enjoy.

On the other hand, this woman is your husband's mom, and she's dying.

I think if I were you, and he wanted to be with his mother, I would go with him (hoping, of course, his siblings behave). Perhaps decide together how long you would like to stay, and agree to leave gracefully should one or more of his siblings start to act up.

You could also set aside a part of the day just for you. There's no reason to spend the entire day with your inlaws.

A lot depends on how your husband feels.
Click to expand...

I agree with her^^
 
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