leaving a bad/abusive situation

N

nightowl81

Cathlete
Just wondering if any women here have had experience of needing to leave a bad situation and actually needing to go to a shelter.

I'll try not to ramble... but the person I'm living with has become a non functioning alcoholic this past year. While there is no physical abuse, there is emotional and verbal abuse. He also has stolen so much of my stuff to buy his booze. My collectible Barbie doll collection has been almost all sold off. :( Most were bought by my mom and grandmother. Other collectible things were sold. He even sold off a few pairs of dress shoes I had. Heck, he even sold my $50 sunglasses that I need now!! I have called the cops several times and they said since he lives here he can do whatever he wants as long as he isn't a threat to himself or others. And I would need some proof he was the one that actually sold this stuff. :( I feel the cops didn't really take me seriously; and the more I call the less serious they seem to take me.:(

I'm going to hopefully talk to a social worker tomorrow to see what my options are to get out and back on my own feet.

Only problem is I have 2 cats that I just can not leave behind. One is 15 years old, the other 12.. I've had them since they were kittens. Chances are they would get put to sleep at their age, and I just could not bear losing them when I've already lost everything else. I'm going to need them for emotional support after all this.

I also feel sad about having to leave behind my workout equipment and exercise DVDs. I know it's vain, it's just material things, but working out is/was one of my passions and I want to get back to it when I'm out of this mess. Plus I'll feel pretty pissed if this guy just sells this stuff for more booze.

I'm hoping this is a case of everything happens for a reason and there will be some light at the end of this tunnel.

and I guess I'm wondering how the whole process of going to a shelter works? Would there be a way to convince the social worker to work with me to atleast let me keep my cats?
 
my husband and I have worked with a woman's shelter...and while I totally understand the desire to keep the cats..I cannot think of any that would accept them...Generally, for women in shelters, the circumstances are so desperate, pets simply have to take a back seat...If the situation is serious enough (and it sounds like it is)..unfortunately the cats may have to be a casualty of this awful situation unless you can find a friend or relative who could take them for awhile. I understand your attachment to the cats (i love my doggy) and how you love them, but getting you and your kids in a healthy situation seems to be what is most pressing and urgent. And I'll bet you could take a bunch of your w/o dvd's and some stuff with you.

I really am so sorry for this trouble, but things really can get much better if the right steps are taken. I wish you all the best.
 
I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. I totally understand about your cats. I know there is a group that have organized temporary foster care for people in tough situations that need to have their pets cared for until they get back on their feet. I have no idea how to find this group but perhaps googling would help. Are there any local rescue organizations who could help you out with temporary foster care or maybe speak to your vet. I don't know what your financial situation is but if you are the one working and paying the rent bills etc maybe you can get him evicted. Speak to a social worker or maybe even a paralegal (cheaper than a lawyer) and find out your legal alternatives. I don't see why you should have to walk away and leave everything behind especially your cats. That would break my heart. Wishing you all the best.
 
If he is only being verbally abusive, do you think you can get out without the shelter? Could you find an apt. that allows pets? I know that locally there are Warren Apts. that allow small pets including cats and they are fairly inexpensive, just 600$/month. Are you married? If not, just choose a time when you think he will be out of the house, get some friends to come over and help you clear out exactly what you really want (take your workout gear with you.) and get the h out. I'm serious. You don't need to be this stressed out. Verbal abuse is real abuse. I had that as a child and I'm still recovering. You don't deserve this. Its too bad you live too far away, I would come and get you.

{{{hugs}}}
 
{{{nightowl}}}}

I don't have any input on shelters, but I agree that a local animal rescue group or a vet would be the first people to approach for fostering your cats. Or do you have friends or family that could help you out?

Are both your and this guy's name on the lease? I agree that he should be the one to leave.

I don't know what's worse: his selling your property (if you aren't married, then legally, it's still yours, I would think, and his taking it is theft, even if he does live in the same place), or the police not helping.
 
You should check in your area, but there are some organizations that will take your cats temporarily while you are in a shelter. Even a quick Google search can give you some ideas. Perhaps a sympathetic member of a rescue organization can help as previously mentioned. Hugs to you. I hope you and your cats can get to a safe place soon.
 
You mentioned your mom and your grandmother, won't they help you? I'm sorry you are going through this, no one should have to go through that. {{{HUGS}}}
 
Abusive situation - Been there

I unfortunately been through this although my addict living in our home was my 25 year old son. I can tell you verbal abuse very often leads to physical abuse which you obviously want to avoid.

If he has verbally threatened you that is enough to file for a restraining order which is a bit of work, going to your local courthouse or police station to file paperwork but they have to serve him and he has to get out of your house. Another recommendation is a book called "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", (How to recognize it and how to respond) by Patricia Evans, could be in your library or available on Amazon. I really think the eventual separation is in your best interest. The AA program is wonderful if your husband wants to turn his life around but he has to want it - Al Anon for you would be a suggestion - it helps so much to have others who have been there to listen and also maybe give you other concrete suggestions.

God bless, my heart just aches for you but I pray you will find the strength to move on with positive changes in your life.

Sharon
 
(((Nightowl81)))

I don't have any more advice to add (there have been a lot of great ideas thrown out already) but I did want to say that wanting to keep your workout stuff is not vain - we certainly understand the physical and emotional pick-up that exercise affords us. I also commend you on your bravery of getting out of that horrendous situation. Sadly, many never find the courage to do so.
 
RapidBreath said:
How are things going? I was just thinking of you today.

Alisha
Click to expand...

hanging in there. left a few messages with apartments that said they accept pets to see if they have any openings. Working with social services a bit (here they put people up in hotels, if hotels are full then it's shelters), and looking for a better or second job. problem is - he NEVER leaves the house so it's a bit hard to get things together.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top