Dating Dealbreakers

M

maxwells

Cathlete
I was talking with a trainer friend of mine last night about what he looks for in a woman in terms of dating potential. He said, "I'm not sure...but I know what I DON'T want". That led us down a path of listing the "dealbreakers" that each of us has when considering someone as dating material. I realized I have a long list :) No wonder I have a problem. In any case, here's what we came up with and I'd be interested to hear yours.

1. Must workout. Very important. Both of us said we couldn't date someone who doesn't workout consistently. It surprised me that I am that adamant about it.
2. No smoking. On both lists.
3. No drugs. On both lists.
4. Can't be all boobs and no brain (his list, of course)
5. Can't be half OR twice our age
6. Must be financially responsible
7. Kids...tricky area for both of us (proceed with caution)
8. Similar religious beliefs

Shonie


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=6&uid=3655618&
 
When I first got single my sister gave me a few that have proved to be 100% accurate for me, some seem silly - but they really do say something about a person.

1. No gold chains or bracelets.
2. Nothing hanging from a rear view window other than a corporate ID or parking permit.
3. No bumper stickers - especially something peeing on anything else.
4. MUST be polite to wait staff no matter where you are at! If they are rude to waiters - they are just rude period.
5. Anyone that has been in a bar fight in recent history is out - unless totally unprovoked. Nothing more unattractive than fighting.


Several of the other above work for me too - no smoking, no drugs, must have a brain, etc... those are standards.
 
Let's see how DH rates...

1.check (well when he has time - working full time and law school p/t)
2.check
3.check
4.humm my boobs are pretty boobalicious ;)
5.check (we're 3 months apart)
6.check (OMG my DH is the most type A anal planning organizer there is)
7.well, uh, our son is 19 months so check ;)
8.well, neither of us is religious, so check.

dang shonie. good list. phew...we don't have to divorce after all!
http://www.smileys.ws/smls/action/00000033.gif

"you miss 100% of the shots you never take"

Debbie
 
Hmmmm interesting I can't think of anything good to add so I'll go through the list like Super Debbie did. . . .

1. BIG HUGE CHECK here!! DH and I MET in a gym years and years ago.
2. check
3. check
4. Well I am intelligent and have small boobs so I guess it's a check!
5. I am younger but not half his age by any means.
6. check BIG TIME!
7. check, I didn't want to have kids and he has three so it worked out perfectly!
8. check, neither of us is religious.
 
If a guy doesn't like his mother....get rid of him! He has a problem with women and will treat them badly forever!!! If a guy has a nice relatrionship with his mother (not living with her and stuff calling her constantly (run))then he usually will respect women and will be a great man to have around.
Jen
 
Shonie, I love your list. Here are a few of mine:

1. Must never wear his cap sideways, or pants with the crotch hanging down between his knees
2. Must be able to make a decision about things like where to go for dinner, and not always say "I dunno, you decide"
3. Must not think that beer bottle caps and his sports team insignia on everything constitutes "decorating"
4. Must not like new country or any form of country:p (don't take offence, please)
5. Should ideally have pecs and biceps that are visible;)
 
1. No smoking, no drugs, no drinking (except socially), absolutely no other women.

(I just read that and thought: I'm Dragon Lady right there...:p )

2. Shouldn't be threatened by things he will ultimately discover about yours truly.:p
3. Is willing to learn other languages.
4. Must be financially independent.
5. Can't be all brains and no... uhm... fun. Guy's gotta have a great sense of humor.;-)
6. Preferably be left-brained to complement my right-brain way of perceiving and judging.
7. Is willing to give me space. Lots of it.
8. Doesn't have to want kids, but be at least nice to and patient with them. Can't stand people who are mean to kids.
9. Won't laugh and say, "Who are these broads?" when he sees my books by Dickinson, Plath, Atwood, Jong, Sexton, Kingsolver, etc... or ask, "Are there pictures in there?" (I once dated such a character. Buh-bye!)
10. Is courageous enough to handle my "heathen-ness".
11. Can hang with my brothers.

I realize I'm making a list that fits the husband. So why are there times when I'm so aching to kick his butt?

Pinky
 
Ditto to all yours, Shonie and also:

1. Must not, ever, mistreat animals.
2. Must not check the mirror every 20 minutes.
3. Must not wear whatever the 16 year old boys are wearing at the time.
4. Must have adequate equipment. I'm not hating here, just being honest.


ETA: most important part: If only one person can wear the pants in this family, then he better well be prepared to iron them for me. NO macho, sexist men allowed.


Marla
 
ah... that's not really fair...

I have a VERY screwed up Mother (as does my brother) ... mentally ill and it's not really our fault....

I've gone to counseling etc... but you really can't say RUN from those with screwed up parents.

Sorry you struck a nerve here!!!
 
Interesting I come from a very superficial past where it was

- Looks
- Working out (great upper body - most important)
- Good job - successful
- Good background

My ex had 3 of 4 (wasn't working out at the time). One problem we had NOTHING in common and were not compatible! Years later (16 years split) we are close - kids was the main bond.

Now I find it
- Good person (values)
- Honest
- Caring, Supportive
- Positive, Enjoys the good
- Depth of character
- Sense of Humor, fun
- Bright
- "connection" Energy what ever you want to call it
- Either has kids or understands kids are ALWAYS #1, Good Dad
- Strong person
- Good open communication
- Athletic - likes outdoor stuff
- Of course non smoker, drink in moderation
- Tend to like more outgoing like myself

I kick myself - wonder how many wonderful guys I never got to know because they didn't "look a certain way".

Yikes I have a long list!

I'm getting to be really good friends with a guy and wow... he has these qualities!!

- Robyn
 
>1. Must workout.~~~Ummm...nope! LOL The only thing my DH lifts is his bowling ball! LOL
>2. No smoking.~~~check. Although we are both ex-smokers and started dating a year after he quit. I only quit about 1.5 years ago...
>3. No drugs.~~~check.
>4. Can't be all boobs and no brain.~~~check. He loves my boobs AND my brain!
>5. Can't be half OR twice our age.~~~check. He is 2 years younger than I am.
>6. Must be financially responsible.~~~check.
>7. Kids.~~~check. We both wanted atleast one and now have our little boy!
>8. Similar religious beliefs~~~same religion but neither one of us is very religious at all.
 
I don't know what this says about my marriage, but my standards today are much different than they were before I got married. If I were ever to date again, this is what I would look for...

Must love kids
Must be into health and workout
Must be responsible with time and money
Must love God
Must respect nature
Must respect other people
NO DRUGS!
Needs to be able to make decisions (no, whatever you say or want, honey)
Must have integrity
Must have morals

If anything ever happened to DH, I would never date again if I hold out for someone as described in my list. :p

Missy
 
On one of our first dates, DH and I were in a bookstore and I picked up a book by Howard Stern and casually asked him, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the best, how would you rate Howard Stern? Even as I asked, I knew the answer to the question was an absolute deal-breaker but didn't let on. He said "zero" and we've been together ever since. :D

-Nancy
 
DH and I have been together 19 years. This question really made me think, because I just kinda take it for granted that I don't have to worry about that. But here are some things I absolutely cannot tolerate:

Smoking, drinking, drugs. VERY light social drinking ok (like 1x a a month and absolutely no inebriation;

Mean to animals. Must absolutely love all creatures;

Stupiditity, lack of common sense;

Selfishness;

Over religious: Basically I can handle that other people have religion, I just can't have it EVER preached to me or pushed on me;

Laziness;

Power struggles;

Sports fan; (absolutely can hardly ever watch games on TV. A corollary to this is if they do watch a game, they absolutely cannot yell at the TV and get incredibly excited.

I bet there is more, but I am starting to feel rigid! LOL.
 
I had sent this list to a friend of mine, and she had to put her 2 cents in...

Can't be married to someone else!

She just found out the guy she's been dating for 6 months is married! UGH!!


MJ
 
>I don't know what this says about my marriage, but my
>standards today are much different than they were before I got
>married. If I were ever to date again, this is what I would
>look for...
>
>Must love kids
>Must be into health and workout
>Must be responsible with time and money
>Must love God
>Must respect nature
>Must respect other people
>NO DRUGS!
>Needs to be able to make decisions (no, whatever you say or
>want, honey)
>Must have integrity
>Must have morals
>
>If anything ever happened to DH, I would never date again if I
>hold out for someone as described in my list. :p
>
>Missy

Missy! You took the words right out of my mouth. I agree with everything you wrote. :)
 
My list of dealbreakers contains almost every single thing you guys posted. I've come to the conclusion that if my husband of 35 years dies before me, I'll never date again because it wore me out getting him trained!
 
Wow, you guys! Most of you would never want to date me. Not only have I been known to be lazy sometimes, but I've also been known to give waiters who deserve it a hard time. I also enjoy over-the-counter drugs and more than occasional alcohol. And, hey, not everyone can be financially responsible. I'm also at two with nature, and don't do well in the outdoors. You guys are scarey. :+

Guess I'm lucky my DH had such low standards. :eek:

But I'm definitely with you on the can't be married to someone else thing, MJ. Although I have been known to break even that rule.
:-(
 
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