son's wedding - what gift to give

tsagona

tsagona

Cathlete
My son is getting married very soon. I've been racking my brain trying to think of a good wedding gift. I'm very close to just giving a check (which he would love) but it isn't much fun.

Also, I lack wedding ettiquite (and don't know how to spell that word). Are we (parents of the groom) supposed to do anything other than the rehearsal dinner? We've offered to pay for all the flowers also. But I don't know if we are supposed to get a gift for the bride or just a gift for the couple. Whoa is me, ha!

Any wedding planners out there that can offer advise.

Thanks,

Tracy
 
What we did

When our son got married we gave the couple a really nice digital camera. It is hard to come up with something and like you I was not going to give them cash. We did not buy our new daughter in law a special wedding gift because I had been to bridal showers for her. As far as paying for things at the wedding that is pretty individual. We told our son we will give you $XXXX.XX and use it towards something for the wedding. We did pay for the rehersal supper though. Now when our daughter got married it was a different story. We paid for her whole wedding and again the groom's parents paid for the rehersal supper. My husband gave our daughter a sapphire and diamond earrings as a gift and we gave the couple a set of dishes that my daughter was dying to have. Hope that helps. One other thing...my son got married to a girl that we had only met once and it was in and upscaled hotel in Florida. Our daughter was married here in our hometown to a man that was from a neigboring town and had her reception at our church. Big differences there:) Congratulations and good luck!
 
son's wedding

We sent our son and his wife on their honeymoon. We did help with the cost of the wedding and sent them something from their registry. The gift that seemed to mean the most though was an heirloom from our family with a letter welcoming the bride to our family.
 
$$$ for sure!


tsagona said:
My son is getting married very soon. I've been racking my brain trying to think of a good wedding gift. I'm very close to just giving a check (which he would love) but it isn't much fun.

Also, I lack wedding ettiquite (and don't know how to spell that word). Are we (parents of the groom) supposed to do anything other than the rehearsal dinner? We've offered to pay for all the flowers also. But I don't know if we are supposed to get a gift for the bride or just a gift for the couple. Whoa is me, ha!

Any wedding planners out there that can offer advise.

Thanks,

Tracy
Click to expand...
 
For our son’s wedding we paid for the rehearsal dinner (including out of town guests), flowers and the bar bill. I also gave them a set of cookware they wanted as a wedding gift. My new daughter-in-law is a Very Good cook and that little investment has proven to be a very tasty gift. :D
I have to add also my DIL and her Mom included me on almost everything they did for the wedding. I have two sons so I would have never been a part of that side of the wedding. The included me on looking for wedding sites, dresses, tasting's etc. It was a blast!! I am so very grateful!
 
BigSal said:
When our son got married we gave the couple a really nice digital camera. It is hard to come up with something and like you I was not going to give them cash. We did not buy our new daughter in law a special wedding gift because I had been to bridal showers for her. As far as paying for things at the wedding that is pretty individual. We told our son we will give you $XXXX.XX and use it towards something for the wedding. We did pay for the rehersal supper though. Now when our daughter got married it was a different story. We paid for her whole wedding and again the groom's parents paid for the rehersal supper. My husband gave our daughter a sapphire and diamond earrings as a gift and we gave the couple a set of dishes that my daughter was dying to have. Hope that helps. One other thing...my son got married to a girl that we had only met once and it was in and upscaled hotel in Florida. Our daughter was married here in our hometown to a man that was from a neigboring town and had her reception at our church. Big differences there:) Congratulations and good luck!
Click to expand...

A digital camera vs sapphires, diamonds and dishes? Yikes.
 
When we got married my MIL gave us a comforter set :( wasn't even on our registry. Needless to say, this isn't the only problem in our relationship.
I really like the digital camera idea. Honeymoon is awesome, but a vacation can be a personal thing and it is so hard to plan another persons.
It also depends where they are in life, do they need any of the larger appliances? My parents had a rule when my brother got married and when I did, and that was a "room" of furniture. It was great, we got our bedroom suit!
 
When I got married, both my DH and I had nothing nice to set up household, and we really really really wanted what we had registered for. I really think that you should get them something off of their registry or a giftcard for where they registered. Or... if you want to spend more money ... maybe a giftcard to a furniture store or money specified for their honeymoon?? As for the wedding, my in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner, and it was lovely! If you are invited to a bridal tea for the bride, I'd give her something special. Perhaps a piece of jewelry that's been in the family or some other family heirloom that she can put in their house (like a vase or something).

(I have three sons and one day I'll be in your same shoes!! :))
 
Why follow that old tradition? When my stepson got married, we paid for half the wedding. No gift other than that. Why should the poor bride's parents have to carry the load just because they had a girl? I say "no fair". Help with the wedding and forget the gift. Weddings these days are crazy expensive.
 
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Stephanie0523 said:
When I got married, both my DH and I had nothing nice to set up household, and we really really really wanted what we had registered for. I really think that you should get them something off of their registry or a giftcard for where they registered.
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I agree!

When I got married I spent a LOT of time on my registry, because this what what I needed/wanted. but was very disappointed when very few people bought anything off of it!

So whenever I am invited to a wedding I always buy something off the registry because I KNOW it will be something that they want.
 
When we got married, my future ILs paid for the bridal party flowers and the rehearsal dinner (I got the table flowers at Produce Junction -- 26 dozen roses for $100!). They also gave us money as a wedding gift. A few weeks before the wedding, my MIL gave me a necklace (no precious stones LOL, so probably about $50 or $100) to welcome me to their family.

I can appreciate wanting to give them a sentimentally significant gift for their wedding. My parents gave us an antique corner cupboard with a wonderful story behind it (well, they also generously paid for most of our wedding). It will be passed down to one of my kids if they ever marry.

Maybe you could offer a certain amount towards buying a piece of art while they are honeymooning?
 
How old is your son? Do they already have a house set up? That kind of thing makes a difference. I got married right out of college and my husband's parents (in addition to paying for the rehearsal dinner and some extra appetizers @ the reception) gave us money to buy furniture... we had nothing, and their check bought us a dining table/ chairs, a mattress set, a matching sofa and chair and set of coffee/ end tables for the living room. A vacation or camera or jewelry would have been nice but the furniture was a lot more practical :D
 
"I'm very close to just giving a check (which he would love) but it isn't much fun."

Maybe it ain't fun to you, but that's what he would love, so give him $$$$$. Easy.
 
Traditionally, the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, reception bar bill, and often the flowers.

Things are changing so much, now. My husband and I were 30 when we got married and we had a nice wedding with 15 people attending total. The entire expense of the wedding was about $2000--I'm talking restaurant for reception, ceremony, hotel room, hair, dress, flowers, cake, flower girl dress, jewelry...etc. My bio-dad and step-dad split the cost. His parents (divorced) split the cost of the rehearsal dinner. My MIL bought us flooring for our home. My FIL is a professional photographer, so he did photos as our gift. My bio dad also gave us a check.

I can't imagine that I'd have a huge wedding even if I had the finances for one.
 
My son is 27. His fiance is also 27 and is a vet student so she will be bringing lots of debt to the marriage. He recently bought a house and financed some furniture and we gave him some furniture and a riding mower. He's never had debt but has taken on about $6500 of the wedding costs as his ILs gave them a check and said, "anything over that is on you." His job has him traveling frequently so he's built up lots of points for free hotels and flights and he's using that for his honeymoon to Hawaii. The more I read these posts the more I think I should go with the cash. I know he could use it since he took on alot of the wedding costs. We are paying for the rehearsal dinner, bar tab and all of the wedding flowers. He's wishing they had eloped and taken the $5000 I offered them before they started the out of control wedding planning. It really has grown out of control but he's an obedient soon to be DH. He's learning an early lesson huh? Thanks for all the responses.

Tracy
 
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