What to do when your losing your love of 10+ years...

L

loving_husband

New Member
My wife whom is a huge Cathe fan has lost interest in me over time. I love her more than anything in the world. We share 2 boys together and have everything in common. I have beed trying everything to work it out. She wanted space and I became clingy for fear of losing her. My temper became an issue. I am currently in treatment for my anger. I have never hurt her. I miss her and my boys so bad. If you see this honey, I am doing the best I can. I am not angry at you for what you've felt necessary to do. I pray and hope we can find the love that I know still exists between us. You are my soulmate and best friend. Nothing can fill the space in my life that is empty with you gone. When I get out of the hospital I will continue anger counseling. I would like to eventually go to counseling together as we had originally planned. This is my hope and prayer. Your loving husband.
 
Are you Clarissa's husband?


4760884_bodyshot_175x233.gif
[/url]

The idea is to die young as late as possible.
 
If you *are*, indeed, Clarissa's husband, you should note that she doesn't post here anymore. Not sure if she still lurks though.
 
I give you the benefit of the doubt that your intentions are not manipulative in coming here. If you really love her, dont take away this support system from her. If you post here or check on her here, you are cutting her off from here.

"I have never hurt her". That contradicts what you say about anger management and counselling. Hurt need not just be physical. Psychological can hurt just as much.

As long as you have anger issues, you are putting people who live with you at risk. Emotional risk if not physical risk. Face up to this. Acting out in anger implies inability to control. When you are not angry - you may not mean to hurt. But when you get angry, are you this same person?

To answer the question - what do you do when you are losing the love of 10+ years - my answer is - You stop using any form of pressure - subtle or overt - to save the relationship. You resort to sincerity, nobility and trying to put yourself in her shoes. Truly listen to that inner voice and let it guide actions, not the voice of desperation that makes you want to hold her back to meet "your" need. Grant her the right to lead a life without being in the shadow of dreading temper. Do not make any claims unless you know 100% that you can live up to them. Be honest to yourself and to her. If you do the right thing, whether you win her back or not, you will find peace.

I have no right to judge you, and I hope this does not sound harsh. I truly meant to help if I could. From my heart, I wish you blessings.

~* Vrinda *~
 
I would say to you that some things can't be fixed. You can't step all over people, especially someone you're supposed to love, and expect them to keep bouncing back. People get worn out from caring and trying. My ex-husband did the same thing for years, and eventually I stopped loving him. He never wanted to go to counseling until I left (and after I had begged him for years to go, that things were wrong). Too little, too late.

You lost her, now you have to be a man and deal with that.
 
I don't think this gentleman is "anon's"
He posted about a week ago and i am sure he addressed his lady as "jo Jo"? I will need to go back and check.

Andrea
 
>I would say to you that some things can't be fixed. You can't
>step all over people, especially someone you're supposed to
>love, and expect them to keep bouncing back. People get worn
>out from caring and trying. My ex-husband did the same thing
>for years, and eventually I stopped loving him. He never
>wanted to go to counseling until I left (and after I had
>begged him for years to go, that things were wrong). Too
>little, too late.
>
>You lost her, now you have to be a man and deal with that.

Lisa,

My heart goes out to what you went through. I hope life has a triple dose of happiness to try to make up for that time.

~* Vrinda *~
 
I am not cleaver enough to cut and paste but yeah, this guy adressed his wife as "Jo" back on April 27th.

The heading was "For you Jo Jo"
Andrea
 
LH, I don't know that this or any message board is the best place to be trying to work out your marital problems. My advice to you is to talk to your parents, best friend, counselor, or spiritual advisor.

I don't mean for that to sound harsh. It's just that most of us don't know you or your wife - even if it is Clarissa, how many of us really know her? - and so even our well-intentioned advice has the chance of being seriously misinterpreted or misconstrued.

Best of luck to you and your wife.

Sparrow



"The winds of grace are always blowing but it's you who must raise your sail." - Sri Ramakrishna
 
I have been wondering about clarissa lately and what has happened to her and why she doesnt post anymore. Isnt funny how people give you a glimpse of their life and then you dont hear from them anymore you wonder what the heck happen almost like a movie or a book
 
>I am not cleaver enough to cut and paste but yeah, this guy
>adressed his wife as "Jo" back on April 27th.
>
>The heading was "For you Jo Jo"
>Andrea

there were a couple other ppl mentioning going through a rough patch as well but didn't get into to much details so maybe this is related to one of those folks as well.

and i agree with sparrow this is not the best place(meaning internet) to find help for martial problems. its a great support and a place to vent and just let off steam but nobody here is a pro and things written on a screen could be taken out of context. plus everybody has their own opinions and that could lead to big flaming war and quite frankly this board is to good for all that LOL.

kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

http://jtjulian2003.tripod.com

YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING,WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT??

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/255246443.jpg
 
Like others have said, I don't know if this is the place to get advice from people who don't know you or your situation. I think it's great that you are seeking out ways to change. There is no way to know whether this is salvageble, but if you truly want to change, you must continue to get the help you need. You have to change because you want to, not because you want to "keep" her. I've know people who have separated(actually divorced) and then remarried each other again) so it is possible. I don't mean to be harsh, but even if it doesn't work out with your wife, you will still be a father to your children and must continue to treat them properly and in a loving manner so they don't fall victim to verbal abuse. Even if the anger isn't directed at them, they see and feel it's effects. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I wish you success with your treatment and Good Luck.
 
Just want to add that I don't think this is anon's husband. There's another poster who seems like she was closer to leaving. I won't give away her name but I think it's more likely to be her.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top