Spent 2 very bittersweet days w/my brother

jloewe

Cathlete
A few months ago, I made mention of the fact that my brother in Colorado was going through a very difficult time with severe depression/marriage problems.

I just spent two days with him when he was a guest at my hotel as he came to visit our mother who is in a nursing home. I was astonished by what I saw.

Growing up, I idolized my brother, and did everything I possibly could to gain his approval and acceptance, if I had that, I was happy. He was my best friend, sometime father figure...I had no idea what would happen years later.

When did I become the big brother??? I don't know where it all went wrong for him, but I do know he never wanted children was even more adament about it than I was/am, yet he has two boys, both are well on their way to being successful, yet he never discusses them at all.

What upset me most of all is his refusal to take his meds for depression, and telling me I should do the same, that sort of began the downfall of our relationship.

I couldn't tell him not to come, as he has every right to see his mother, and we had a cordial visit, but when he started telling me about living with his wife in a loveless marriage under the same roof, having to pretty much start over again job-wise at age 56, it dawned on me that in years past I would have given anything to have what he had, and now I wouldn't trade places with him in a heartbeat.

I never knew I had so much, until I saw my own brother, who has so little, and I don't know how much sympathy I am supposed to have....alcohol, drugs, and various and other things have put him in the situation he has created for himself, he has a new job starting this week, and I hope for his sake, and that of his families', he stays clean and sober.

Hopefully, my talk with him about how I have changed for the better through exercise and a generally healthy lifestyle..( still gotta work on the diet...;)) has made me happier than I have been in years.

I can only hope.

Thanks for reading!
 
Oh crap Jerry, what a hard time for you.
I hope your brother can get back on track and get his life together. It's very hard to help people who don't want to be helped. :(
I'm sure we all have family situations that are not what we expected (I do) but all we can do is try our best.
Hope you are feeling better
elliemom
 
Jerry - so sorry about the rough times your brother is going through. It is good though that you had a chance to share some ways he can turn himself around and I hope that he learned something from your wisdom.

It is also wonderful when we can believe that we have a good life through our own enthusiasm, motivation, willpower and just flat out working to make our lives the best we can for ourselves.

Hope you hear good things from him in the future and that you have an opportunity to stay in touch to be a support system for him.
 
Jerry,

I am so sorry for your difficult relationship with your brother. When people choose alcohol, drugs or any other destructive behavior, it affects those around them so much and they don't even know it.

I can tell by your post that you are upset for your brother and I know if you could wave a magic wand and make all of his problems go away, you would. You did the best anyone could do by giving him your support and suggestions. But until he is ready to change his life, that's all you can do.

It's funny too, though, that age does bring wisdom, doesn't it? There comes a point in our lives where we really do realize that the saying "The grass isn't always greener" is so true. Of course, with that wisdom comes a few wrinkles but we have to take the good with the bad, don't we? You can now look at your brother and realize all that you have to be thankful for. You're right, that is bittersweet.

Take care, Jerry!!!
 
Oh crap Jerry, what a hard time for you.
I hope your brother can get back on track and get his life together. It's very hard to help people who don't want to be helped. :(
I'm sure we all have family situations that are not what we expected (I do) but all we can do is try our best.
Hope you are feeling better
elliemom

Ellie,

Nothing that a good butt-kicking this Monday won't cure.....:D...I can't wait to get back to workouts!!
 
Boy, Jerry. What a rough time. I hope that you are able to use your strength to help him out if he needs it, but not let him pull you down. I have seen that happen with my own brother and a friend of his. It must be so difficult to have weekends like that. Hope the future is brighter for your brother, and I think you are an amazing person with a very "with-it" life, from what I have read in all of your posts. Maybe some of that will rub off onto him.
 

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