Question for the deep thinkers

D

divagirl

Cathlete
As I'm going through changes in my life and evaluating things I find myself feeling like "What am I doing that's special in my life?". Kind of feeling like I haven't really accomplished anything significant and I don' t even know at this point what that would be. To be honest after meeting Cathe and seeing what she's accomplished it got me thinking but its always been there in the background. My 20th year gradeschool reunion is coming up and I see alot of girls with their married names. Its so easy for me think that because I'm single, not married and no kids that I haven't done anything "special" and I hate to fall into that trap but yet I do sometimes.

In talking to a couple friends who actually either are planning weddings or married with kids..it seems that they feel the same way too at times. I'm wondering if this is just part of the human condition and how many people feel this way from time to time. For those that don't...well, what's your secret? :)
 
My biggest accomplishment in life is, and always will be, being a mom. Oh, and by the way, I was NOT married when I became a mom!!
 
OHHH Yes. Even though I am married and have kids I feel this way. I always wanted to go to college but could not afford it or didn't have the time, now kids. I started Cosmetology school and had to stop because no one could commit to watch my kids so I have to be patient. Look at what you have accomplished. Maybe what you get to do that others with hubby and kids can not do. I think everyone no matter who they are have something nagging at them I would like to start my own business I have a good idea but everything revolves around money and we just can't take the chance here in Michigan and my hubby won't realize there are 49 other states that we could take a chance.

Be at ease and know if you are happy with the way things are "I say Good for you"
beth6395

"Double Knot your laces and let's move on"
-Cathe Friedrich
 
No offense to you married folks out there but anyone can get married and have kids. I'm 46 and never have been married. I think that is an accomplishment right there. I could have gotten married, had kids and been miserable. Instead I followed my heart and didn't follow what everyone else was doing. What you have or haven't accomplished should not be based on what everyone else is doing or has done.

You need to stop looking at everyone else and look inside yourself. The only person that can fulfill you and make you happy is you. The only person that can make you feel "special" or "accomplished" is you.

Unfortunately, I do think it is part of the human condition to look at other people and want what they have but you know what? I bet there's a lot of people looking at you and want what you have. The grass isn't always greener.
 
I think we all have those days when we're like "what the heck am I doing?" or "is there a point?" A few months ago I remember sitting in traffic on the way to work and looking a the next car at a guy in a shirt and tie drinking his coffee and looking so frustrated/miserable to be stuck in that mess, and thought "god, I hope I don't turn into that." and then I realized, I WAS that. *sigh*

But all in all I am happy with my life, I have a job (it can be frustrating and aggravating, but I have one) I make decent money, I can pay my bills, I love DH, he loves me, our son is a good kid, I have my dog and cat who annoy the heck out of me but will always give a hug when needed, so it all ain't that bad.

Have I conquered the world yet, no. Am I sure this is what I want to do for the rest of my life work-wise, no. Do I honestly think I'll jet off to some third world country and feed the starving children, no, I'm honestly too selfish for that.

I think in our own way, we've all done something special somehow in the world, whether it be picketing big corporations or helping little old ladies across the street. It may not be significant to you that you helped the lady across the street but it may be the nicest anyone has been to her in days.

We may not know what our purpose is and we may think we've never found it or will find it, but do what makes you happy and then you'll be "successful."

Cheers,
Nan
 
Hi divagirl,

While I don't purport to be a "deep thinker", I have observed that in my life and in many of my friends lives, that when we are without goals, we don't accomplish much and tend to flounder about. Setting goals and working toward them has increased my self-esteem and made me feel that my life has been worthwhile. And I agree, these have to be your own personal goals, not someone else's, or even societal expectations ... your very own, thoughtful, feelingful goals. In addition, that can't be dependent upon someone else fullfilling some vital role ... others can play secondary roles of support, encouragement, education, role modeling, etc. But not a such a vital role that the goal cannot be accomplished without them. Just my 2 cents.

Deb
 
"I'm wondering if this is just part of the human condition and how many people feel this way from time to time. For those that don't...well, what's your secret?"

"Question for deep thinkers"

Hi Divagirl, I have a "deep" answer for you, hopefully not too deep.

I don't ever feel that way, my "secret," I view my life by God's work in my soul. We were created by God for God, our purpose here is to bear forth fruit unto Him. And yes it is part of the human condition, God created us in His image for increase so the soul is fruterated when that divine increase doesn't take place. And while many things can bring fulfillment to the soul, such as motherhood, careers, and caring for others, nothing seems to satisfy that longing that we have for God. www.second8thweek.com
 
I think we all go through this at some time or another. My life has followed the path I always hoped it would. College, wonderful husband, beautiful children. And I don't take these things for granted. One of the other posters above said "anyone can get married and have kids." While this may be true in some ways, it's a big accomplishment in my opinion that I found my soul mate and we have nourished a happy marriage and family. Not just anyone can do that. But I often find myself wishing I were a better mom or a better writer or led a more disciplined/healthy life. I don't know if anyone is ever completely happy every moment of their life. I think the most important thing is to appreciate the moment you are in so that you have no regrets farther down the road. I'm still learning this. I'm a pretty spiritual person and I'm also a writer, so forgive this analogy, but I look at everyone's individual life as God's own book. No two are comparable. Each has different chapters and different endings. Some are fast-paced. Some are slower. Some are sagas some are epics. But they are our own stories. Uniquely our own. Enjoy every chapter. Devour every word. And don't ever compare your story to others' because that's insulting to the author. :)
 
<I look at everyone's individual life as God's own book. No two are comparable. Each has different chapters and different endings. Some are fast-paced. Some are slower. Some are sagas some are epics. But they are our own stories. Uniquely our own. Enjoy every chapter. Devour every word. And don't ever compare your story to others' because that's insulting to the author. >

Beautifully, BEAUTIFULLY said. (No wonder you're a writer!) ;)
 
><I look at everyone's individual life as God's own book. No
>two are comparable. Each has different chapters and different
>endings. Some are fast-paced. Some are slower. Some are sagas
>some are epics. But they are our own stories. Uniquely our
>own. Enjoy every chapter. Devour every word. And don't ever
>compare your story to others' because that's insulting to the
>author. >

Yikes. That is beautiful. I love, love, love it. Thanks, Stephanie!

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
Divagirl,

I looked at the title of your post and thought "That rules me out."

But after reading your message I want to post.

I have been married for 17 years. We have no kids. I spent my twenties and thirties being pretty career oriented.

When I look back there are regrets and there is satisfaction. I regret that for many of those years I neglected people I loved and took them for granted because of of my career zeal. On the other hand, I am satisfied with the growth of perspective and maturity that came from my career.

Discontent can be a good thing. I felt discontent about the attention I was giving my family. I realized life is not forever. Yet I felt trapped in the career image/expectations I had created that made it difficult for me to be seen as anything but a "giver of 100% or more" to my work. I was unhappy and clueless about how to make things better for some time. Then I found ways to make changes that created a balance.

There have also been times when I have been discontent and realized, that nobody can have it all, and that the right solution is to learn to appreciate what I have. With reconciliation comes happiness.

The introspection that discontent spurs is the silver lining of discontent. It prompts you to evaluate your life and reach a mature conclusion. If there is basis in the discontent, at age 40, I dont feel anywhere near the age when it too late to make changes.

~* Vrinda *~
 
well .. I think in life no matter what path we choose .. there may be times of reflections and feelings of regret or discontentment .. but I think no matter where you are in life .. this too will be with you.

I don't think marriage or kids solidifies that you have done something necessarily special w/your life .... people can do amazing things that are special in their own right.

If there is something you long to do .. an adventure you want to take .. a carreer or personal goal you want to meet ... a selfless act you want to perform .. go for it ..

will it fullfill the thought that you have done something special?? who knows .. it may it may not ..

I personally think we will always long to leave our mark on the world ..and always wonder if what we did is enough.

Something that is small and insignificant to you may fullfill someone else's dream .. and vice versa ..

I am married - for 21 years - no kids - and will probably always question not having children .. although I know for us this was our destiny .. does that mean I have not "left my mark" .. NO WAY .. I am blessed w/a wonderful nephew (of whom will be forever spoiled) ... I know that I have touched many people and I am blessed in so many ways and thankful everyday for it!!

IMHO .. everyone no matter their circumstance can dwell on the negative and the "not having ____" ... and feel discontent .. I believe do what makes you happy ... dwell on the positive ... there is always someone out there that thinks you are special .. and maybe they are a bit envious of you .. you know??

Life life ... enjoy life .. take in natures beauty .. move your body and lift your soul to new heights... Life is precious and short .. Enjoy it .. wrap yourself in it!!!
 
For me, personally, my constant discontent comes with not knowing WHAT makes me happy. I've tried multiple careers, lived in several places, gone back and forth to college (with no success at achieving a degree because I can't figure out what I want a degree in), etc. I always hate my job, I always hate where I live, I'm constantly jealous of other people--it goes on. For me, the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. It's a horrible way to live but I can't seem to get out of it. I just have NO IDEA what will finally make me happy. People (friends, family, coworkers) are always asking me "have you EVER been happy, Allison?"

I'm a total dark cloud. The glass is always half empty. I can come across as chipper and content, but in reality I am anything but. It's certainly a struggle.

Anyway, sorry to hijack the thread with my personal problems! I guess I'm just sympathizing with the OP. People can say "just do what makes YOU happy!" But what happens when you don't know what that is?

Allison

http://www.picturetrail.com/allisonj90
 
Allison - You are not alone! I changed my degree 3 times (and changed schools 3 times) and even after graduating wasn't happy with what I got and started taking more classes at another school! Everyone else seemed to know what they wanted to do and I had no clue. Same goes with careers, I'm always getting asked where I see myself in the next 10 years and I can honestly not tell them. I'm about to turn 30 and I still have no idea what I want to do when I "grow up" and I HATE being an admin. :( Some days I just want to quit the job and move the weiners and DH somewhere else and start over. Bad thing is my DH is the same way. Just call us Mr. & Mrs. Black Cloud. ;)
 
You know .. one thing Allison .. a lot of people would love to have your courage and be able to try different things and to experience various careers and destinations ..

something tells me you will eventually figure it out .. until then keep trying different things and try to look at the more positive aspects .. you are beautiful .. obviously outgoing and smart .. you certainly don't look like a dark cloud!!

take a closer look at that glass - if you really look closely I bet it is really not 1/2 empty!!!:D

{{ ducking in case Allison wants to throw that dang glass at me }}
 
Diva-

Definitely not a deep thinker here, but there are definitely times when we all stand in front of the mirror and ask those questions. But I agree with the poster who said to write down some goals and work towards them. Now, I don't have a list of goals, I have a list of "fancies"- it's called 50 Things I want to Do Before I die (I think I have about 40 right now). It includes a bit of everything - from doing Search and Rescue (done) to climbing Mount Everest (which is no longer a real goal - I keep it there to remind me that I did want to climb it but that I made that particular vision into something that was more suitable towards my life - Mount Whitney - the highest in the lower 48 - high enough for me).

I guess my point is that you have to decide on a direction - any direction - and head out if you want to do "great deeds". You can change direction if you want, or completely back track and do something else, but at least you started.

I'm no one special, and haven't saved the world, or fed the hungry in third world countries, etc. But I have done things I'm proud of, and when I'm feeling like there is no point to my existance, I can pull out that list and remember that I did volunteer 10 days in a shelter after Hurricane Katrina or I did climb Mount Whitney, or I have great friends who will do anything for me, and I realize that in the scheme of things, I'm doing pretty well.
 
While college, and children are accomplishments, I still don't feel I have accomplished anything. The highlight of my life was completing the Firm Cardio Challenge 2 years ago. I live in Columbia, SC. And working out with Gin Miller as well. I enjoy working out which I guess is an instant gratification kinda of thing, in a sense. But as far other accomplishments, at my life it is mostly regrets.

Right now I am just wishing, hoping and LOA works for prayers to be answered. Annette
 
I spent all my 20s doing what you did Allison except for the moving part and the other post is so true that WE took the risks of changing jobs and going back to school or whatever. I just realized that the other day just how many risks I have taken even if they didn't "realize" any true happiness at the time. Even today although I like my job I still think of whether there would be another career I'd like to move into one day. I do feel a bit envious of people who found their drive and passion at a young age (like cathe) and built their own empire off it. But we can't all have empires right? haha. I like the idea of keeping a list of what we do so we can refer to it when we feel we haven't done enough. And, I guess we are all trying to find our way.
 
Well, if it makes any of you young'uns feel any better, I didn't graduate law school until I was 34 years old, and it took me at least another decade to find my niche. In fact, it has only been in the last 2 years (at the age of 50!) that I've really come into my own. And I've finally learned that there really is a place for me in my profession. I'm not right for everyone, but at this point I've had enough clients who have expressed their heartfelt appreciation to know that my warmer, more caring, rather wholistic brand of lawyering isn't so easy to find. Nothing staggering, but it's important because it's what I do well. If you bring heart and passion to what you do, whatever you do is important. And I truly believe that every one of us has AT LEAST one thing we can do brilliantly, whether it's building a car engine, baking a cake, raising a child or leading a country. Stephanie said it much better than I can because she's a brilliant writer and Lianne is brilliant with animals. I don't know the rest of you as well, but if I did, I have no doubt I could name at least one thing you do brilliantly too. And, like everything good in life, you don't find it. It finds you. All you have to do is let it. Wish I'd know that years ago. ;)
 
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