PROBLEMS WITH COWORKER

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stardust9771

New Member
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A COWORKER THAT I NEED ADVICE ON. I WORK IN A SMALL OFFICE AND HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ALMOST A YEAR. ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, WE HIRED ANOTHER STAFF MEMBER. AT FIRST SHE SEEMED VERY NICE. I EVEN WROTE UP A WORK OUT FOR HER TO LOOSE WEIGHT (SHE'S 4' 11" AND WEIGHS 160). ANY WAY, ABOUT A MONTH LATER, SHE STARTED TO IMITATE ME WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE (WHICH i INITIALLY IGNORED). THEN, I HAD SOME HEALTH ISSUES, WHICH I MISTAKENLY CONFIDED TO HER. ABOUT A WEEK LATER SHE STARTED LOOKING AT ME WHEN OTHER COWORKERS CAME IN OUR WORKING AREA STATING "IT SMELLS IN HERE!" AND STARRING RIGHT AT ME. THEN, THE NEXT DAY, WE RECEIVED A FAX AND SHE ASKED MY OTHER COWORKER IF SHE NEEDED IT AND SHE SAID "NO, IT'S CRAP, THROW IT OUT!" THE OTHER WOMAN TURNED AROUND AND LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND SAID "WELL, xxxx, IF IT LOOKS LIKE CRAP, SMELLS LIKE CRAMP AND ACTS LIKE CRAP --- IT'S CRAP" MY OTHER COWORKER'S FACE BECAME BEET RED AND SHE JUST STARTED SHAKING HER HEAD IN DISBELIEF!

I CONFRONTED THIS WOMAN, WHO INITIAL SAID SHE NEVER SAID THAT! AND I TOLD HER I'M NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH THIS ANY MORE!! IT STOPPED FOR ABOUT A MONTH, THEN THE OTHER DAY SHE CAME IN LATE AND MY OTHER COWORKER AND I WERE TAKING ABOUT A SHOW AND SHE WALKS IN AND SAYS "I HATE THAT SHOW." AND I SAID "WELL, I LIKE IT". SHE THEN SAID "WELL THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A FAGGOT!" I SAID WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, AND SHE SAID OH I'M JUST KIDDING! I AM A MARRIED WOMAN WITH 2 KIDS. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. IN THE BEGINNING, I WAS NOTHING BUT NICE TO THIS WOMAN AND NOW SHE IS LAUNCHING VINDICTIVE PERSONAL ATTACKS ON ME!

MY OTHER COWORKER DOES NOT WANT TO GET INVOLVED AND I'M NOT SURE IF I SHOULD GET MY BOSS INVOLVED. I'VE NEVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION BEFORE!:-(
 
Sticks and stones.

I don't mean to minimize your problem here, but keep it in perspective. This really is grade-school behavior. Stay away from her as best you can, don't give her any ammo, and act like a lady. When she sees that she can't get a reaction from you, she'll give up. Literally, ignore her. When she called you a "faggot" (yeesh!) I wold have pretended that I did not hear her. And I don't mean rolling your eyes or giving her a look. Pretend that she is *simply not there.* It'll work, trust me.
 
This woman, primitive being that she is, is creating a hostile work environment and taking away from your ability to do your job. If she were a MAN, she'd be up on charges for sexual harassment..this is abuse, and your right to work in an environment free of abuse is upheld by the law...as childish as it seems, it makes your day to day life miserable.

If I were called a faggot, I'd laugh and say most of my best friends are faggots, better than fools. But that would lower you to her level (which I could do and rip her an new one).

But don't put up with it.

What an ignorant a-hole.
I hope she doesn't reproduce.
 
I know you've been told to ignore this, but she sounds like a very childish trashy person, and you may not be successful in ignoring her - people like that are cruel and like tension - they seem to thrive on it. I would not hesitate to take it up the chain. Hopefully she'll get fired. In the mean time - document every little situation that occurs, including anyone that was present so you can back up your side of things in case it comes to that. People that act this way sometimes have a very manipulative side, and can sway people with their version of events. If you have the details documented you can at least cya.

Good luck - I know how painful it is to work with a total piece of crap like that. It makes life a living h-e-l-l.

Keep us posted - maybe you'll get a Christmas gift and she'll be fired for something soon.

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I wanted to thanks everyone for their response:) My hubby said I should just punch her in the face -- but I don't think that will help the situation lol. I'm debating on approaching my boss in this matter. But I'm aftraid to drag my other coworker into this (who is not involved). Because I don't know if she'll back me up or just not want to get involved.

It's a shame. I have a great boss and I enjoy my job and also, to make matters worse, before I saw the real side of this woman, she said she was looking for a new hairdresser and I recommended mine and now she goes to the same hairdresser I have gone to for the past 5 yearsx(
 
Consider the source first of all. It sounds like she is a very unhappy person, someone I would feel very sorry for. Have compassion for her because of this. She is sad and hurting. I would probably say something like "I am sorry you feel that way" next time she makes a remark. Then let it go. She is only making herself look bad. Dont stoop to her level.

Problems have a way of working themselves out. Dont let her ruin things for you. I dont think this situation will last long.
 
I have been in this situation and the only thing that resolved it was documentation. Every day write down any incidents that happen with dates, times, people present etc. Do this for as long as you need to. I had to do this for 6 months before they were able to fire her. There are better laws now regarding hostile work environments and you do not have to put up with it. Even if you do not act right away and try others suggestions to simply ignore her right now at least if that does not work you have this documentation to fall back on. I can't stress how important writing everyday is. The mind is a funny thing and if you wait and try to reconstruct conversations at a later date it is never as accurate. I feel for you - I know how hard this is. Good luck.
 
Hi

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult situation. I worked with a coworker who started pulling crap about 2 weeks from her start date and I had been in the job for about 2 years. She was trying to sabotage me and make me look bad to others probably out of jealousy. This was right after I trained her too. You never really know what's going to work in a situation until you do it but definitely start documenting everything. That's what I did every time this girl did something. One day she came in my office with some mean attitude and I told her to leave and come back when she could talk to me with respect. I remember going into this girls office shortly after because I had had it. I just was very "unemotional" but probably scary because I was Pi**ed and after I calmly but firmly went over the things she had done/said that I knew of I ended it with something like "..And don't you dare EVER walk into my office and talk to me like that again". It was the only way to talk to her since nothing else seemed to work. She must have been pretty scared because next thing I knew she was up in my manager's office crying. Who knows if they were fake tears but after a couple months she left the job anyway. I Had everything documented though.
 
I feel so bad for you. It makes me glad I work in an office alone!

The first thing that I was thinking when I read your post is maybe there is some type of mental illness here? It just doesn't seem logical for a person to act that way. I would agree with the previous posters that you should document everything in as much detail as possible. Go to your boss when you have enough documentation to back up what you are reporting. You'd also probably be better off to ignore her so that she can't retort your documentation with...but she said or did this or that. Having witnesses around and documenting that they were there will only strengthen your position. Also, in ignoring her, she will probably lay off, but possibly find another target in the office.

My bet is that she probably won't last long. What was her previous work history like? Did she have several jobs in the past....if so, I'll bet you now know why.

Good luck with this situation. It certainly can't be much fun.:-(

Angie
 
Some of this stuff sounds like it's just her sense of humor. Sounds like she thinks she's being funny and perhaps means no offense by it. You obviously do not find funny and take offense to it and I can't say I blame you.

I would politely ask her to stop (again) and see what happens.

Do you have an h/r department? If you ask her to stop and she does not abide by your wishes then perhaps you should consider reporting her. If there is no h/r dpt to speak of b/c it's a small company then go to her mngr.

No one should have to put up with that type of behavior.

UGH!
 
i have issues with a couple of co-workers' immatuirty. the best bet is to just keep getting your work done and let them chatter all they want. take pride in that you have better things to do then to worry about them. it is a upsetting i know b/c one lady just quit,whom i enjoyed working with. i have one 26 year old that acts like the rest of kids in this school and one who has to be older then my mom. they are the worst at talking about ppl and just wanting to cause drama. sorry but i am to busy for drama. i have a life and i just keep working b/c if i show them i will not stoop to their level and they won't make me angry they get annoyed. they like the drama of getting a rise out of ppl and the best way is to leave it be.


kassia

http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana

"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"

http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/276676894.jpg
 
Actually, I don't think it should be ignored. I think you should tell your boss or at least raise it to someone in HR. If she seems to be discussing you with others in the office, you don't know that her jibes are not making it to your boss. I wouldn't present it as being mean to you I would present the concern as being that she is so unprofessional and if she acts this way to co-workers she might display the same behavior to your company's clients.

The name calling is just unacceptable behavior and should absolutely be raised to management. No one should have to put up with this type of behavior at work.



KIM
 
It does sound to me like she is jealous of you in some way...are you more physically fit than her? Are you much higher than her on the food chain at work? I've had some people be absolutely horrible to me and turns out it was all motivated by jealousy - but still, I agree that you should cya and document EVERY LITTLE DETAIL.
 
I have to strongly agree with Kim. I also agree with keeping documentation (and writing down who was present when offensive comments were made). She either has a mental health issue that needs to be addressed or she has has a maturity problem and needs to learn that while her behavior may be appropriate in a barroom (provided she doesn't get punched in the face) it is most inappropriate for the workplace.
 
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