I'm having a problem with one of my roomates - and I need to preface this by saying that I tend to be a bit of a germaphobe - so I may be over-reacting a bit, but... I have a roomate that will use the bathroom (and be in there for quite a bit of time if you know what I mean) and then come out and he hasn't washed his hands (thin walls) he will then go into the kitchen and grab a bag of chips (that we all share!) and start eating from it, or use the remote that we all share, etc...it makes me cringe...I just feel this is incredibly unsanitary, but I'm not sure I can say anything...how do you politely tell another adult they need to wash their hands...??? AM I over-reacting? How would you all handle this situation?
OT: Roomate issues - help!
- Thread starter Bonne
- Start date
ReneePruitt
Cathlete
Be honest and tell in him a nice way.. Just say hay, did u wash ur hands? U are using the remote and I dont like touching it after h use it.
Its better to go to him then anyone else. Small things get blown out of purportion if u dont go directly to the person.
Its better to go to him then anyone else. Small things get blown out of purportion if u dont go directly to the person.
JeanneMarie
Cathlete
Well, the good news is his germs aren't gonna kill ya! 
I don't see how you're going to be able to tell him to wash his hands without creating an incredibly uncomfortable situation. There aren't too many people who react well to being told their bathroom habits are less than ideal.
If it were me, I would just be careful not to eat the chips he's eating. That's pretty easy. As for the remote, there's not much you can do other than wipe it down or not use it.
I don't see how you're going to be able to tell him to wash his hands without creating an incredibly uncomfortable situation. There aren't too many people who react well to being told their bathroom habits are less than ideal.
If it were me, I would just be careful not to eat the chips he's eating. That's pretty easy. As for the remote, there's not much you can do other than wipe it down or not use it.
CoralOcean57
Cathlete
Dear lord, I can't even believe a grown man wouldn't wash his hands after using the bathroom! Wth?? That is beyond gross. I'm sure it will create bad feelings and there is no nice way to do it, but I don't think I could not say anything. Just put the hand sanitizer all over the place and offer it up as often as possible. I really wish you the best of luck with this situation. It would drive me crazy for sure!
You could happen to be reading a fascinating article on the dangers of E.coli and what happens when you don't wash your hands after wiping your behind and maybe leave your iPad/notebook/kindle open to the page and maybe he will start reading it Or start discussing the article over breakfast - maybe not. I have the stomach for those kinds of discussions since I was a lab tech, I find my DH not so much has the stomach.
You would be amazed - or maybe not - at the number of WOMEN that I would find at work not washing their hands after using the bathroom for any length of time. That was truly gross as well. Maybe they aren't teaching good hygiene any more?
Or start discussing the article over breakfast - maybe not. I have the stomach for those kinds of discussions since I was a lab tech, I find my DH not so much has the stomach. You would be amazed - or maybe not - at the number of WOMEN that I would find at work not washing their hands after using the bathroom for any length of time. That was truly gross as well. Maybe they aren't teaching good hygiene any more?
Trixoo
Cathlete
Oh no! I don't think there's any good way to resolve this situation for the reasons others have noted. You are NOT overreacting, and I have to admit this grosses me out terribly. My first reaction was that I would move, but that's probably not realistic. No matter how kind you are, it's likely to cause hard feelings. Does he have a girlfriend? That may be a way to get it addressed if there's some not so obvious way to bring it to her attention.
Also, you would be horrified to know how many men (and women, although in smaller proportions) do not wash their hands after using the restroom. Public health researchers have hung out in restrooms counting the numbers of folks who wash...its less than half in some cases! I hate shaking hands for this reason and always, always wash my hands as soon as possible after shaking in hands. Sometimes its over an hour before i can sneak away to wash (I try to be discrete!). Okay, I guess I qualify as a germaphobe. Fine, I clearly am a germaphobe.
Here's the good news: since you've clearly given up chips, he's helping you to eat clean! I guess it's not all that bad (yes, it is, I'm just trying to find a bright spot).
Good luck with this problem...I really feel terrible for you.
Also, you would be horrified to know how many men (and women, although in smaller proportions) do not wash their hands after using the restroom. Public health researchers have hung out in restrooms counting the numbers of folks who wash...its less than half in some cases! I hate shaking hands for this reason and always, always wash my hands as soon as possible after shaking in hands. Sometimes its over an hour before i can sneak away to wash (I try to be discrete!). Okay, I guess I qualify as a germaphobe. Fine, I clearly am a germaphobe.
Here's the good news: since you've clearly given up chips, he's helping you to eat clean! I guess it's not all that bad (yes, it is, I'm just trying to find a bright spot).
Good luck with this problem...I really feel terrible for you.
mspina
Cathlete
Nothing you say will actually impact his behavior, and all you will do is screw up your relationship. I would just not participate in "common" food and leave it at that.
If it makes you feel any "better," as many others have mentioned, this isn't, unfortunately, an uncommon problem. So you are in contact with lots of stuff all day long that has been touched by a non-hand washer.
We keep track of non-hand washers at the office - it's amazing how many their are, and I work in a professional office where nearly everyone has an advanced degree, so lack of knowledge isn't an issue! I don't get it - crazy.
If it makes you feel any "better," as many others have mentioned, this isn't, unfortunately, an uncommon problem. So you are in contact with lots of stuff all day long that has been touched by a non-hand washer.
We keep track of non-hand washers at the office - it's amazing how many their are, and I work in a professional office where nearly everyone has an advanced degree, so lack of knowledge isn't an issue! I don't get it - crazy.
JeanneMarie
Cathlete
Nothing you say will actually impact his behavior, and all you will do is screw up your relationship. I would just not participate in "common" food and leave it at that.
If it makes you feel any "better," as many others have mentioned, this isn't, unfortunately, an uncommon problem. So you are in contact with lots of stuff all day long that has been touched by a non-hand washer.
Exactly! I really wonder why this has caused you such distress. I am all for cleanliness, but honestly, if this is the worst you come in contact with, you'll be fine.
As mspina said, you have no idea what you are coming in contact with on a daily basis that is probably much worse than this. You're still alive and kickin', right?
I would relax and focus on not sharing common food. It really isn't worth ruining your relationship with your roommate, in my opinion. But then again, maybe I'm just too relaxed about the germ thing. I've lived 56 years with a pretty relaxed attitude about it, none the worse for wear!
Last edited:
Since your roommate is a guy, rather than taking the subtle "feminine" approach, you might just approach it the way another guy would. When he comes out of the bathroom say "DUDE! I don't even hear the sink water running after you flush!! Don't you even wash your hands after you go to the bathroom???? DISGUSTING!!!!! Do NOT touch my chips Dude!!!" Do it laughing, lighthearted and with mock drama. Channel Seth Rogan. I think guys react better to this approach than the serious talk or the subtle I-read-an-article approach - they're just not that subtle.
ReneePruitt
Cathlete
diane57 said:
Exactly agree with this. Males are not as sensitive about this stuff. I have two,grown boys been around tons of boys in group homes most my life and as I said in earlier post ..u just tell him ..him no one else because tjis is a small issue to him so its not gonna embarress him or anything like that he will at least know u know and if he sees u whiping the remotes he will know why. Dont let tnis become a big problem. Tell it like it is like a guy to,a guy. Lol
fit44
Cathlete
THIS!
It's funny, but so true!Men are straight forward with each other, unlike women who beat around the bush(or talk behind someone's back).
Men tend to tell it like it is, and do not hold a grudge for all eternity.
mini-natty
Cathlete
My DH buddies were over this w/e and I happen to come across this post, SO of course I had to bring this up
. I asked them about this exact scenario, and how they would react if their roommate bluntly told them to wash their hands after using the bathroom (just some background info: one of the buddies just moved in with a girlfriend, the other is married w/kids, both in their mid 30's). Both of them laughed and said they would not take offense, and just start washing their hands...if they actually would remember to do so is an entirely different thing . Now, I've known these guys since grade 6, and they are like brother's to me, so I trust that they gave me an honest opinion. I'm no stranger to just chilling out with the boys, and I can validate that what the above poster mentioned is true. *IMO* guys appreciate a direct approach and are not subtle AT ALL. Since you are living with the guy, and it affects you, I say tell him! My DH and his buddies say the same thing .Natasha
Thanks guys! You're right guys don't take this kind of stuff that seriously...I would be mortified if someone came to me with something like this but you're about guys - I was so worried about offending him...and also what an awkward conversation! I think I need to approach this like Diane 57 suggested...