I could use some cheering up :(

D

divagirl

Cathlete
Its been about a month since I broke things off with my ex. Every weekend I have to have a conversation with him as to when he can come collect his couch which has now been moved to a storage room. Yesterday I chatted with a guy from a dating site (seemed normal) who sent me a very disturbing picture after we chatted for half hour. Later my ex calls about picking up his couch this sunday and whether I'd like to go to lunch with him. I said I had to think about it (since I was taken off guard) and today told him no not a good idea but I still don't know if THIS is the weekend he will actually get his couch. Sometimes I'm happy single, sometimes I'm lonely and after a friends encouragement to just throw myself out in the dating world I have yesterday happen. I just would love to know that there is actually a decent guy out there because right now everything seems glim.

I would really like to have a family one day and I'm not in my 20s anymore.
 
I don't know how great I'll be at cheering you up since I'm glum myself (business reasons). But there are decent guys out there... and many of them, I think, are what I call "diamonds in the rough." They may not be "10s" in terms of looks or charm, but they're "10s" in terms of decency and values... someone you'd want to have a family with. I don't know about this whole online dating thing, but a couple old-fashioned suggestions: Do you have a dog? I've seen lots of single guys with their dogs at parks.... and dog-training classes. And it's so easy to strike up a conversation in that setting, because you automatically start talking about your dogs. Now I'm not suggesting you run out and get a dog, if you don't have one now. But if you do, maybe try signing up for an agility class or something??? Good Luck!!
 
You know what I'd like to know? Why do guys think you want to see photos of them? I've had a few "friends" from MySpace ask me if they could send me pics of themselves. It's just silly. Like, if you see it you're going to get completely excited and jump into your car to meet him somewhere.

There are decent guys out there. It's only been a month. Why don't you drop the couch off?
 
Cheer up. I know that doesn't help alot. I think I would give myself some time to just be single and hang out with friends before jumping right back into dating. You probably need time as it was a very hard desicion for you to leave in the first place. IMO I wouldn't go to lunch right now. Give yourself some time. Go do something fun this weekend like shopping or get a facial or give yourself one. Do something for yourself. HTH
LD
 
I'm not going to give any dating tips...

Where do you meet the guys you've dated?

Are there special interest groups that you are interested in where you could meet a guy with a similar viewpoint? For example, a book club that meets for readings.

There are decent people out there.

As far as the sofa, establish a time limit then list it in the want ads.
 
A month isn't a very long time to be alone, so I'm sure you're still missing being in a relationship.

I suggest becoming involved in a group or cause that interests you: a reading group, a biking club, helping build houses with Habitat for humanity, whatever. You can enjoy the company of others with similar interests, and maybe meet a nice guy at the same time. (Just don't hang out in the kind of groups that mostly women frequent--like knitting clubs or scrapbooking clubs--but also don't go with the only purpose being to 'meet a guy', because if you don't, you'll only be disappointed again, and you might spend all your time 'looking for Mr. Goodbar' and miss out on other friendships).

Another way to meet a guy is through mutual friends. Let your friends know you are open to meeting someone new.

(It sounds like your ex is trying to remain tied to you in some way. It might be better for you if you give him a deadline to pick up the couch---or you'll donate it to Goodwill--and make sure you aren't there when he does, or if you are, have another friend around so he doesn't invite you to go anywhere, I think it may be too soon for you to be 'just friends.' If he invites you to lunch, just tell him you don't think it's a good idea.)
 
Maybe take some me time and reflect on the good/bad from your relationships.

As we get older the physical being isn't quite as important as our goals and values. Even the little things that "bug" aren't bad if you enjoy getting up everyday to be with your SO.

I haven't been "on the market" for over 10 years, but when my first marriage had been doomed for a few years, just hanging with friends and playing roller hockey found me my current DH and we enjoy each other and the same things. I like getting up in the morning and don't want to drive my car off a cliff anymore.

Hope you can realize that you need to be happy with yourself first and then if you find someone else you can be happy with that is icing on the cake.

Good luck in your "travels".
 
Being alone and single is way better than hooking up with a crappy guy. Only thing worse than hooking up with a crappy guy is starting a family with a crappy guy.

Your future children deserve much better than to be born into a crappy relationship.

Be patient. Enjoy today. Caring for a family is a huge amount of work.

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go re hang the curtains my DD just pulled down.
 
I'm with Dave on the couch thing, do not let it "drag out" forever. be done with it. Don't settle, never do that, never.
When you stop looking, the right guy comes along, but only when you are happy doing your own thing. This is how I met my DH, I have been lucky I guess, never worried about meeting someone, always knew it would eventually happen. Go get a dog, love that advice too. Takes you out of yourself, and as for the online dating sites? Be careful, very careful.

One more thing, try bellydancing, or pottery, sewing, painting, anything that appeals to you, you build confidence being creative.;)
 
Thanks I think I am just in a mood today. Finding a club to join would be good especially since I work alone mostly and then am alone at home too. Can get very boring at times. The winter doldrums aren't helping.
 
Sorry you're going though this.

My advice is to PLEASE take some time to be alone. Honestly, dating is probably not that good an idea right now. You've still got loose ends with your ex, why bring someone new into this right now. Take some time to get to know YOU. Yeah, you'll get lonely and bored and it'll seem awful at times, but there really are worse things in the world. Like never finding out how to get through times like that.

As far as the couch goes, you've gotten some good advice. If he won't make the decision about what to do with it, make it for him.

And good for you, girly, for saying no to the lunch. You two may be able to do that one day, but not yet.

Hang in there, Divagirl! You've come further than you realize!
 
Yup, I've already decided that I'm not ready...or willing for dating yet. Too soon!

Thanks...you guys are the best!! :)
 
Divagirl,

Before attaching yourself to another human being, why not get to know yourself first. 30's is still very young and plenty of time for children. When you can feel wonderful and happy alone, then miraculous things happen. Along comes your mate, just like that. Not everyone needs to be in a relationship though, so remember that as well. Just make sure you are comfortable with yourself first. Just leave options open and let life happen.

Janie

The idea is to die young as late as possible

http://www.picturetrail.com/janiejoey
 
Just remember that being in a relationship isn't the means to happiness. If it were, you would have been happy with the guy who won't come get his couch! Also remeber that being with the right guy isn't a means to happiness. If you keep waiting for certain circumstances before you are "happy"...then you never will be. My point...you need to learn what makes you happy...then make it a reality. That is much better to do when you are NOT in a relationship. Take advantage of this "time off" to learn how to make yourself happy.

I love the "join a group" idea. That is excellent advice for anyone...not just singles. Even after a wonderful marriage to an awesome guy and 2 incredible kids, joining a group definately enhanced the quality of my life.
 
>Being alone and single is way better than hooking up with a
>crappy guy. Only thing worse than hooking up with a crappy
>guy is starting a family with a crappy guy.
>
>Your future children deserve much better than to be born into
>a crappy relationship.
>
>Be patient. Enjoy today. Caring for a family is a huge
>amount of work.
>
>Now if you will excuse me, I need to go re hang the curtains
>my DD just pulled down.


ITA!!! Especially about hooking up with a crappy guy and starting a family with the crappy guy.

A fulfilling life doesn't necessary mean a husband and children.

Don't short change yourself.
 
I don't really have anything different to say from what everyone else already has but I wanted to give you my support. You've gotten exceptional advice. I believe I'm older than you and have never been married. I truly would love to find the "love of my life" but it hasn't happened yet. Sure there are times I get discouraged and feel lonely, HOWEVER, feeling those things occasionally are a heck of a lot better than being in an unfulfilling relationship and it's not worth being with a jerk just to "have somebody." I still have faith that it will happen when it's supposed to. I try and occupy my time as best I can but I'm not always successful doing so but like everything, it passes. Do things that you enjoy and do things for yourself that no one else could. You deserve it!

Bam
 
Here's a doifferent approach but one that I think works best.

1. Stop talking to your Ex. It's making you second guess and you were solid in that decision that it was the best one for you.

2. Tell him that you need your room back. If he can't get the couch in two weeks, put it out in the garbage pick up. Lingering is just prolonging the inevitable.

3. When you are feeling down or lonely, call a friend, visit a friend or make plans with a friend. You won't even need to confess that you are calling b/c you are lonely. Just call and chat. It always helps and you will realize that it isnt so bad.

4. ENJOY your solitude. You want kids some day. You want a husband. This may well be the last time that you HAVE solitude! LOL

It's just a transition period that you will get through. I just think that talking with your ex opens the wound over and over again.
 
I went through a break up last summer and I read a book called "It's Called A Break Up Because It is Broken". It is written more from the other side. Say if your X was the one who wanted to end things. However it had some suggestions that might help you.
1. Stop talking to your X for at least 30 days. I did this and it really helped me break the emotional pull he had on me
2. If you still have there stuff and they do not get it donate it, throw it out do whatever with it but do not let it keep you in contact with them.

Break up are hard but you will get through this and be much better off in the long run without him:)
 
Thanks. I guess the loneliness is just finally getting me. I kind of threw myself into the holidays to help me and now they are over. Just a set back I guess.
 
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