Exercise makes depression worse. Am I the only one?

Whitney

New Member
I'm a longtime lurker on these forums and a devoted Catheite, and I'm finally coming out of the woodwork to seek advice or reassurance that I'm not completely insane. Am I the only person in the world who's depression is made worse during exercise? When I'm depressed (I'm recently diagnosed bipolar II), I sob hysterically within 10 minutes of starting to exercise. I used to be an avid, 6-day per week high-intensity exerciser (mostly with Cathe), and now I can't even get through a short walk. Everything I've read says exercise helps with depression; why does it make mine worse? I'm so distraught because I'm gaining weight and I can't control my carb cravings, yet I can't exercise to help this. I try to eat clean as much as possible, I take meds and vitamins, I try not to push myself too hard, I get enough sleep, etc. I'm doing everything else right! I spoke with a trainer who allayed some of my fears by telling me that many of the athletes he trains have increased emotional instability while exercising due to adrenaline and/or chemical changes (hormones working to adjust to activity), so I'm hoping this will stop as I get the balance of meds right. It truly stinks because I love Cathe and all her workouts but I'm having a hard time getting through any of them. I've found no help elsewhere on the web so I'm hoping some other athletic types will understand what I'm going through.

Does anyone else have this problem? Why does exercise magnify my depression?

Thanks,
Whitney
 
I personally think that exercise helps depression AFTER the fact; meaning that you will feel the great effects after you have worked out. But I understand your anxiety...especially before I started seeing good results years ago. In recent months, sometimes I had become upset before having to workout and I realized that it was because I was actually OVERtraining and needed to cut back. I was almost obsessed about working out and it was having a reverse effect on me, thus making me depressed before workouts. Is this possibly what is happening to you? It is a symptom of overtraining to be depressed...how long has it been since you have worked out avidly?
Clarissa
 
Whitney:

I also got a diagnosis of Bipolar type II. For the whole of last year I barely exercised at all. I just couldn't. Couldn't face it, and like you, I had previously been an avid exerciser, 5 days a week, hardcore cardio, etc.

Last year all I managed was power walking. No weight training at all. None. No step, no circuits, no kickboxing, nowt.

From September onwards of this year, I decided to get back into weight training again, and I have to tell you that my first workout was a shock! Couldn't believe how weak I was. Now, just 2 months later, I'm nearly right back where I was when I stopped weight training a year and a half ago. So, take heart from my experience: when you have the inner strength and the desperate need to come back to it, you will get back to where you had left off rather quickly. Take heart from that.

Now, when I wasn't working out, how did I feel? Depressed as hell. On the verge of giving up on life. But I decided that since there was not much I could do about my feelings and my dislike of doing all the Cathe DVDs I had previously loved, I decided all I could do was go with the flow. You have to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. No-one can or should tell you that those feeling are wrong, not justified or bad for you. They are what they are. You are, right now, where you are. Depression is a process that has its own timetable. There's no rushing things. Feeling better will happen, I just can't tell you when. And when it does come, you will be able to return with renewed passion and desire for your exercise routines.

What I found was that the way to keep moving was to expect much less from myself than what I knew I was capable of at my fighting fittest. I learned to be less harsh a critic of myself. The fact that I was out there power walking 3 times a week was reason enough for great applause. Doing something different was the route back for me. I still haven't come back to step and kickboxing, I changed my focus to running instead. A different activity, a different perspective, a different challenge. Because it is different, I don't start workouts I used to power through, like Step Blast, and then erupt into floods of tears after 10 minutes or so because I can't do what I used to and I feel stupid and useless. I am learning something different and allowing myself to enjoy each stage of the curve of progression. I celebrate the fact that last week I was only running 3 minute intervals, but now this week, I'm up to 4 min intervals. Progress is progress whichever way you look at it.

Another important thing to do is take some time away from these forums. You need to learn to discount what everyone else is doing. I could, in totally masochistic fashion, pore over the details of how much poundage everyone else is lifting, and get totally depressed by the fact that others around here have just fun their first or fastest half marathon, while I am only..... Stop! Comparing yourself to others and even to what you yourself used to accomplish is totally frustrating, self-harming and the worst thing you can do. I wonder if this is partly responsible for the overwhelming emotional response you have when you do work out?

Take time off to just heal, to just breathe, to just be. You need to lie on the couch, watch TV, take in a movie, buy new shoes and know that you deserve them for the person you are right now. You don't have to earn them by being a more worthwhile person because you worked out hard today or five times this week. That's just crap.

Now that you have your diagnosis, and are trying some medication, you have to do yourself a huge favour: expect very little of yourself but caring, self-compassion, self-understanding and self-love. A therapist whose book I love wrote: "the main job of the depressed person is to fight depression." It is not to work out 6 days a week in order to keep up with everyone else and feel good about yourself. All you do is: sleep as much as your body needs, eat healthy, go for walks, talk to people and seek out people you love and who love you and surround yourself with positive feeling.

When you are feeling stronger, then try a Cathe DVD, but be realistic: start small, start slow and be kind to yourself. It may not be tomorrow, it may be in 6 months from now. Who knows and really, who cares? It's not a competition. Your responsibility to yourself precludes entering into competition with any idea out there about how much or how frequently one should work out. Your responsibility to yourself is to slowly learn how to live with depression. Learn how to back off and just feel when the going gets tough, and how to ante up and fight back and work out and challenge yourself when you are feeling stronger.

Best wishes from one who knows,

Clare
 
Clare,

Even though your post wasn't directed to me, I really got lots from it anyway. :)

You made wonderful 'sense'.

Thanks, on my part, for sharing that.

Kim
 
Hi Whitney,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. It can be very difficult when your emotions are a roller coaster. It will take some time for the meds to kick in.

Just some thoughts I had reading your post...
Is it possible that your pregnant?

Are you keeping a journal? try and write down what you are feeling. Identifying the source of the emotions might make it easier to control them. It also might give you an indication of other patterns. For instance, is it worse if you haven't eaten recently, or at a particular time of day? Also, own your emotions. Try and think of them as a passing storm. Identify them and then try to let them go.

when things get really bad, just focus on your breathing. If you can control your breathing, it becomes a lot easier to control your emotions. Take slow deep breath through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Try this several times until you start to feel calmer.

Discuss the situation with your doctor.

And take Clare's advice. Be kind to yourself and try and focus on what you enjoy. It's also important not to berate yourself for something you have no control over. Forgive yourself, other people understand you are going through something and respect the strength it takes to go through it.

Also, I think you may be underestimating how much the medicine is effecting your system. Check the side effects.

If this started after you began taking medication you really need to discuss it with your doctor.

Best Wishes.
 
Whitney,
Could the sobbing acutally be a good thing...a release of sorts and as you keep exercising it may get better?
Angela
 
Clare and everyone, thank you so much for your insight and advice. I know I'm an anomaly in this, it's truly weird. I've been keeping a mood chart for many months now, and I know that this reaction is purely chemical and not the result of any outside force or mood. It doesn't matter how enthusiastic or strong I am going into a workout, something in my brain flips and I turn into a crying lunatic. I am definitely expecting less of myself right now and trying not to push too hard. I do admit that I'm incredibly uncomfortable in my skin (not to mention my clothes, which no longer fit!), But I'm learning to take it one day at a time. Thinking ahead is way too overwhelming for me right now.

Thanks again, and I'm going to continue taking care of myself in the best way I can. I really appreciate your taking the time to respond so thoughtfully!

Whitney
 
I agree. In the past when I've really been depressed trying to get through a traumatic string of events I remember sobbing during a step workout and yoga. I think it was a release of emotion. Maybe keep looking at it that way and just go with the flow.
 

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