What a great idea for a checkin! Thank you for starting it.
Ok, here comes my confession of the century:
I just recently became a non-smoker. Yep, that's right. I know lots of people are going to read this and be shocked, disappointed, and disgusted that the chick from Tracey's videos smoked for 6 years, but there ya have it.
I am 28 days smoke free. And feelin' good. This is a big deal for me (as it is for most people, I know). I have a very addictive personality and am naturally the most uptight, stressed out, anxious person alive. Smoking was like my best friend. Cigarettes were always there for me--day or night--when I was scared, sad, mad, happy, etc. I honestly felt (and still feel) like I've lost a good friend or my security blanket. It's an incredibly frightening feeling. Plus, I'm going through a very stressful time right now and it was hard to give up my "crutch". But it had to be done. I was soooo tired of feeling so ashamed all the time. I was the quinissential closet smoker. NO ONE knew I smoked. NO ONE ever saw me smoke. I was so embarrassed to be so into fitness but smoke at the same time. I felt like such a hypocrite. I've broken up with boyfriends before because I couldn't bear the thought of them finding out I smoked--and if I couldn't reveal my whole self or be myself around them, I knew it just wouldn't work. It was easier for me to break up with THEM that it was to break up with the cigarettes. For me, men come and go but cigarettes were forever. They'd never leave me. Could I have BEEN more wrong?!?!?!
I also had a horrible, constant cough and snored so badly in my sleep I could wake the dead.
It was NOT very lady-like.
Or attractive.
I still, to this day will always swear that smoking did not affect my workouts. I swear they didn't. I could work out longer and harder than the best athlete I knew. But the guilt I felt from knowing I was a "smoker" was too much. I honestly didn't quit as much for my health as I did for my head. But whatever it takes, right? I feel so much better knowing that I really AM healthy now. I eat well (sort of....
), workout, and DON'T SMOKE. How good am I?!?!?
So anyway, here I am. I am on week 5 (FIVE!!!) of not smoking and it's getting easier every second. I started with the patch but got sick of it and haven't used any type of stop-smoking aid for 3 weeks now. I love the freedom of not smelling like smoke. Or having to hide my cigarettes. Or always having my car stink. It's a pretty liberating feeling.
That's my story. Sorry to disappoint anyone by being a former smoker. Trust me, I'm not proud of it. But I am proud of what I've accomplished in the past five weeks. I honestly didn't think I could do it.
