I journal every day on my own, so might as well share them here too!
Evil Brownie Monday
Posted 09-02-2008 at 10:29 AM by Boingo1
Starting with the weekend, as always. Nothing spectacular, either way. I fell into the same eating pattern as my weekends usually go. What can I say? 
Habits are hard to break. And the anxiety of work illicits my eating issues. All I can do is keep trying, and perhaps start practicing meditation/breathing /progressive muscle relaxation as I read & learn more about it.
Of course, there was one patient at work that "got to me". Seems like there always is one that does. This one was a 47 year old woman who was diagnosed with Appendiceal (Appendix) Cancer. Pretty much by the time they discover it, it's spread everywhere, and there's not a lot of hope. This woman had ALL her faculties, and able to care for herself, but also knew she was going to die. She made herself a "Do Not Rescusitate" (if her heart stop NOT to do CPR or try to bring her back). As we talked, I found out she grew up where I did. Knew the same people I grew up with too. We had very similar childhoods. She is presently married and has 2 boys. It was just so heartbreaking for me, for her. Her husband was a rock, a police officer, and was by her side. He wouldn't accept blankets/pillow/pajamas. "I'm fine" he'd say. People sure do get dealt shitty hands in their lives. It's so not fair.
Monday was a busy day for me. Which kind of sucks, because I don't get much sleep, and I'm rather irritible. But ok, I got up after sleeping from 9am-2pm, and was lost, because Cathe hadn't posted her Sept. rotation yet! ACK! I've also gotten into the habit of following a set workout rotation, so that when I don't have one already set to do, I'm thrown! I pondered and debated, and finally settled on Drill Max: Cardio Only Premix. A good sweaty workout, and I added on Ab Hits #8. It was also Zach's official 13th Birthday! He had a friend over until dinner, so there was a little more havoc than usual there too. I had to make him his special requested dinner: Ribs and Corn on the Cob. I also decided to bake brownies for after dinner, PLUS , bake MORE brownies for Alex to take to school on Tuesday, HIS 9TH BIRTHDAY! So I was cooking supper and trying to mass produce brownies all at the same time.
Unfortunately, when cutting up the brownies, I picked. What can I say? It wasn't my strongest moment. And I'm sorry, but the smell of brownies, and having one or two "crumble" as you cut them up, isn't my strongest moment.
I did end up with popcorn and watching The Closer until 10pm. Cut up more brownies and got them set for Alex to take to school on Tuesday. It's no wonder I didn't dream of brownies!!
Onto my week. I have a bunch to do, but the kids are in school... and it's so much easier...
AND, I decided to follow another rotation that was posted: Sept 08 Leg Blast!! So I'm off!!!...
~Chris
Habits are hard to break. And the anxiety of work illicits my eating issues. All I can do is keep trying, and perhaps start practicing meditation/breathing /progressive muscle relaxation as I read & learn more about it. Of course, there was one patient at work that "got to me". Seems like there always is one that does. This one was a 47 year old woman who was diagnosed with Appendiceal (Appendix) Cancer. Pretty much by the time they discover it, it's spread everywhere, and there's not a lot of hope. This woman had ALL her faculties, and able to care for herself, but also knew she was going to die. She made herself a "Do Not Rescusitate" (if her heart stop NOT to do CPR or try to bring her back). As we talked, I found out she grew up where I did. Knew the same people I grew up with too. We had very similar childhoods. She is presently married and has 2 boys. It was just so heartbreaking for me, for her. Her husband was a rock, a police officer, and was by her side. He wouldn't accept blankets/pillow/pajamas. "I'm fine" he'd say. People sure do get dealt shitty hands in their lives. It's so not fair.
Monday was a busy day for me. Which kind of sucks, because I don't get much sleep, and I'm rather irritible. But ok, I got up after sleeping from 9am-2pm, and was lost, because Cathe hadn't posted her Sept. rotation yet! ACK! I've also gotten into the habit of following a set workout rotation, so that when I don't have one already set to do, I'm thrown! I pondered and debated, and finally settled on Drill Max: Cardio Only Premix. A good sweaty workout, and I added on Ab Hits #8. It was also Zach's official 13th Birthday! He had a friend over until dinner, so there was a little more havoc than usual there too. I had to make him his special requested dinner: Ribs and Corn on the Cob. I also decided to bake brownies for after dinner, PLUS , bake MORE brownies for Alex to take to school on Tuesday, HIS 9TH BIRTHDAY! So I was cooking supper and trying to mass produce brownies all at the same time.
Unfortunately, when cutting up the brownies, I picked. What can I say? It wasn't my strongest moment. And I'm sorry, but the smell of brownies, and having one or two "crumble" as you cut them up, isn't my strongest moment.
I did end up with popcorn and watching The Closer until 10pm. Cut up more brownies and got them set for Alex to take to school on Tuesday. It's no wonder I didn't dream of brownies!!
Onto my week. I have a bunch to do, but the kids are in school... and it's so much easier...
AND, I decided to follow another rotation that was posted: Sept 08 Leg Blast!! So I'm off!!!...
~Chris
Total Comments 5
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Chris - I had an "Evil Brownie Thursday" last week. Just felt like making brownies. I was extremely tired and in need of some comfort food. I didn't just pick though - I devoured 2 big brownies and then I had to even out the row a couple of times. ;-)
The story about the woman with cancer is just like my friend at work who died a month ago. Same kind of cancer, close to the same age, etc. I never even heard of this type of cancer until a few months ago. You're a strong woman to help people like her. I'm sure you made a difference just by talking to her. Sue |
 
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Wow, you have a lot of fortitude to be able to handle that kind of job Chris.
But feel a little better that brownie crumbs have no calories :-) |
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Sue! I remember your story! I knew I had read it here, didn't remember from whom. Such and awful awful cancer. Although they all are awful! Hey, sometimes devouring 2 BIG brownies, comes out to less than "picking" , believe me!
Hottie, My job can be extremely taxing on my emotions. It amazes me that I've done oncology nursing for 20 years. I must be crazy!! ... And YES! the crumbs have NO calories!!! LOL! ~Chris |
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Chris,
Don't feel bad about your brownies. At least you know what you have to do to make up for eating them. If we didn't give in now and again I think it would be pretty hard to continue working out and eating right the rest of the time. Your job is extremely important and I know it is probably very stressful at times. As a breast cancer survivor I know how much a simple conversation or even just a smile can mean when you are faced with chemo, uncertainty and just not feeling well. Thank you for the work you do and know that you make a difference in the lives of many. Simbers |
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Thanks, Simbers!
Funny how this was an older blog for me, but the same thing happened this weekend at work. Very stressful and sick, sick patients, and I wound up with a whopping headache on Monday. AND.. my only solace , sadly enough, was a jar of Marshmallow Fluff. Thanks for your words, they are very true. ~Chris |
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